Wasted
by gimpy810
Summary: It's been 4 years since Bella left with the Cullens. Now, she's back, but is not the same Bella that left. Tragedy will do that to a person. Which pack member will save her this time?
1. Chapter 1

Preface

Choking, always choking. On words, promises, tears, and goodbyes.

But this... this was far more awful. The purple smoke was thick in the air. I was choking, but I couldn't stop from breathing it in. If I could breathe a little of it in, I could keep them with me. I could pretend they were just gone away, not burning to ash in front of my eyes. The family that I loved would stay with me this way and I wouldn't have to face the fact that they had died for me, because of me.

Wait, no, not because of me.

Because of Edward.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _Ok, so I'm trying out another idea that popped into my head. I know I should be working on my other stories, but I really wanted to get this out there. For some reason, I'm more excited about this one than the other two. This takes place well after the wedding, but there is no Renesmee and the honeymoon was, well, a dud. The only pack members to have imprinted are Sam, Jared, and Quill. We'll see where it goes. Before I forget, I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. Well.... on with the show_

**Wasted**

Chapter 1

**PPOV**

I had been running patrol for about an hour when I decided to circle through Forks to see if I could find anything. With the Cullens gone, the town was no longer off limits. I knew that Jake and Billy had always been close to Charlie, so we all tried to make sure that nothing was coming through town that would harm him. The red-headed bitch was long gone, and other than a few stragglers here and there, the pack hadn't seen much action since the big showdown with the newborns.

I stepped up my pace. As much as this whole wolf gig sucked, the speed was amazing. The wind rushing through my hair, well, fur, was a great feeling. As I started to reach the border I slowed down a bit so I could take in the scents and sounds around me. I began to make my way toward the center of town, staying in the shadows of the forest. I wanted to take a quick look for anything out of the ordinary and then get back to La Push.

When I got closer, I noticed the Greyhound bus had just pulled in to the station. It still kills me that little old Forks was a stop on the bus line. There wasn't much to this town besides the locals and a few hikers that trickled in here and there. I watched, with little interest, the few people getting off. I was about to turn around and keep going when a familiar scent found it's way to my nose on the wind.

It couldn't be. Strawberries, vanilla, and some floral shit that I had no idea what it was. I could never forget that scent. With all the time she had spent with the pack once upon a time, and the constant replaying through Jacob's memories, I knew that scent only meant one thing. Bella Swan had come back to town.

I tried to get as close as I could without being spotted. Her scent still held it's familiar components, but there was something off about it. It wasn't the sickly sweet burning bleach smell that I knew well from my experience with vampires. But, there was an undertone of something sick about it, alright. There was something bitter and almost rotten about the way she smelled now and I just couldn't place it. I went a little further back into the trees and phased back so I could get a better look at her.

I was now across the street from the bus station. She was just standing there looking around, almost as if she was lost. This was definitely not the Bella Swan that had left four years ago. If I'm being honest, she looked like hell. Her face was gaunt and shadowed more than a 22 year old's should be. Her long brown hair was stringy and dull, nowhere near the shining mahogany from Jake's imagination, er, I meant memory. And she was _thin, _I mean, sickly thin. She had none of the perfect, flawless features that her bloodsucker family had. Sure, she was pale, but it wasn't anywhere near beautiful alabaster complexion that vampires had. There was also a minuscule shaking coming from that tiny body. Bella Swan looked like death warmed over.

I watched as she took a deep breath and heaved the duffel bag that had lain at her feet, onto her shoulder. The protector ingrained in my wolf side wanted to run over and help her because it looked like that bag would make her topple over. To my surprise, she did get it onto her shoulder, only swaying just a little bit. When she took off walking down the street I was confused. I thought for sure she would start out towards the police station to see Charlie or towards Charlie's house, both of which were in the opposite direction from where she was headed. Hell, even the leech palace was in the other direction.

I continued following her, walking on the opposite side of the street, being careful not to draw her attention. When she reached the pool hall, she spun around. I wasn't sure if she could feel that she was being watched, or if she was just making sure nobody she knew could see her. I figured it was the latter when she walked through the door. Oh shit.

The pool hall in Forks was where the more unsavory characters in town hung out. We even suspected that from time to time, a vampire or two would hit the place, but we could never prove it. I couldn't imagine for the life of me why Bella would be going in there. Unless, she had developed a liking for pool during her time with the bloodsuckers? Oh well, who cares. I had pretty much determined that, in spite of her grisly change in appearance, she was still human and that was good enough for me. But I did need to warn the pack about her being back in town. There was no doubt, where Bella Swan went, trouble and bloodsuckers were sure to follow.

I went back into the woods, tied my shorts around my leg, and phased. Immediately, my head was bombarded with Sam's voice.

"Paul, where the hell have you been? You're supposed to be on patrol but I phased in a half hour ago and you were nowhere to be found! What the fuck were you doing?"

I held back the growl that was building in my throat at being yelled at by Sam. I mean, he wasn't Alpha anymore. That ship had sailed when Emily got pregnant and Sam handed alpha over to Jacob. I got my temper in check and replied, "Dude, you have _got_ to see this!" I replayed in my head what had gone on in the last half hour. Sam was beside himself at Bella's new appearance.

"My god, she looks worse than when Cullen left her. Are you sure she went into that pool hall?" Sam's doubt was getting on my nerves. I mean, seriously, did I not just give him the whole play by play of the half hour I was supposedly AWOL?

Sam continued, "Well, we will have to let Jacob know what's going on. I'm not really sure how he's going to take it, but we can't avoid this. She's obviously still human and obviously back here for a reason. Did you find anything else?"

I replied, "Nope, all's quiet on the home front."

"Alright then, we should get back and figure out how to break the news to Jacob," Sam said. With that, we both took off running towards La Push. This was not going to be good.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Okay, it's been a while, but in that time I've thought of some really cool, although rather dark, ideas for this story. I will do my best to make time in my crazy life to get the rest of this out there, because frankly, I'm pretty psyched about where this story could end up. Thanks so much for all your reviews so far!

Chapter 2

BPOV

"Dear," there was shaking, shaking my arm, my shoulder. I stupidly kept my eyes shut thinking they would leave me alone for once if I pretended to still be asleep, that I would get out of bearing witness to their monstrous acts. But who was I kidding? I had never been that lucky.

"Miss, isn't this your stop?" With that my eyes bolted open and I took in my surroundings with relief. I willed myself to get over yet another one of those horrendous flashback moments when I forgot where I was. I forced a smile and a nod to the little old lady who had saved me from getting stuck on the bus and ending up god knows where. I had certainly had enough of just "ending up" somewhere. I kept telling myself that I was ready to come home.

That one moment though, when I felt that sweet elderly woman's cold hands on my shoulder had unnerved me more than I wanted to admit. I had made up my mind that I was done with my previous means of forgetting the horrors I had been through in the last few years. But then again, I could do it just one more time, couldn't I? I could give myself a few brief moments of calm before those memories came crashing back into my psyche.

I scrubbed my hands over my face, stood up, and stepped off the bus into the gray, overcast world that was Forks, my home. Sure, I had lived the majority of my short life in Phoenix, but something about Forks called to me. I'd had so many firsts here, and also so many lasts. This was the place where my mind had expanded, where I had been introduced into a world that most people thought didn't exist in their wildest dreams. But that world wasn't made from dreams, it was made from nightmares, and the rest of the world was better off not knowing the truth.

I willed my body to stop shaking. It had been a long time since I allowed myself the reprieve that I so desperately was craving right now. The bus driver had finished unloading the passenger's luggage from the lower hold and I grabbed my duffel bag, threw it over my shoulder, and contemplated my next move.

I figured at this time of day, Charlie was probably working. I knew there was no way I could show up at the station in the state I was in. I was the Queen of Denial lately, but I could at least admit that the years, more specifically the previous one, had taken their toll on me. I really didn't want to go in search of a fix, but if Charlie did happen to be home, I also knew that I couldn't show up on his doorstep the shaking mess that I was now. I just needed a little something to take the edge off. It would only be this once, right? Ya, that's what I had been telling myself for the past 368 days.

As I walked down the street towards Guido's Smokes and Billiards, I tried to convince myself that this town was where needed to be right now. I was dreading running into anyone from the pack, but Jacob even more so. He had worked so hard to change my mind all those years ago. He tried so diligently to get me to embrace life. And what did I do? I threw it back in his face by... no, Bella don't go there. Not now, just put one foot in front of the other and next thing you know, these thoughts will fade into the background again.

Regardless of who I might run into, I needed to be here. At this point in my life, I didn't need Renee's flighty personality. I didn't need her over-reactions. I didn't need to take part in whatever whimsical idea she had come up with at that moment that was supposedly going to change her life, or mine for that matter. I needed Charlie. I needed him to not hover over me. I needed his silent reassurance that he loved me, that I was worth something. I needed the calm that he would allow me to absorb naturally, no artificial additives needed. I could only hope that his fear of deep conversations would save me from having to come up with some kind of detailed explanation as to where I'd been the last four years.

When I got to the entrance to the pool hall, I got that creepy feeling up my spine. It felt so much like someone was watching me. I spun around to look, my eyes quickly taking in the people around me. I was looking for a telltale, god-awful pale complexion that would send the terror that was hovering just below the pit of my stomach shooting to the forefront of my mind. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't see anyone or anything out of the ordinary and stepped into Forks own version of every movie's clichéd seedy, back-alley bar.

PPOV

While Sam and I were running back to La Push, he let out a howl, signaling the pack to gather. Now that Jacob was alpha, we usually met at his house. With Sam and Emily's little ones running around, we all felt kind of bad making Emily look after us. The woman always did so with a smile anyway, but it didn't stop our gluttonous asses from feeling any less guilty. Besides, Willow's cooking was just as good as Em's and Jake's refrigerator was always full.

"Jeez Paul, is that all you can think about is food?" Embry had phased in and was laughing at me in his head. He eventually stifled his internal laughter to a giggle and asked, "So, Number Two, what's up? What's with the emergency meeting? Catch a scent of something?"

Sam replied, "No, but Paul did find something, um, interesting on his run through Forks."

Hearing those words through Sam's mind sent the previous events through my head and Embry was able to see first hand what the fuss was about.

"Oh wow, she looks like, like, uh...."

I rolled my eyes and replied, "Dude, she looks like shit. And I don't know what we're going to do about her being back. It's going to have to be Jake's call, so try to reign it in until we can find a better way to tell him about all this."

Embry agreed and before we knew it we were coming up to the forest behind Jake's house. We could see him standing on the back porch, so we all phased back and walked out to meet him. The rest of the pack showed up at right about the same time. I was glad I wouldn't have to sit on telling him for very long.

Jacob stepped forward, "Alright, Sam, Paul, you wanna tell me what's going on? What's so important that it couldn't wait until the bonfire and meeting tomorrow night?"

Sam looked at me. I guess he was trying to give me some encouragement to break the bad news to our alpha, but really, I don't know what we were getting so worked up about. Jake's life had taken a turn for the better since that leech lover had left town, if you ask me. Other than the possibility that her bloodsuckers-in-law probably weren't far behind, Bella being back shouldn't be a really big deal.

I rolled my eyes at Sam and said, "Jake, I took a quick run through Forks while I was on patrol. Not that you probably care, but your leech lover is back."

Jake took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "Okay Paul, care to elaborate?"

I proceeded to tell him about seeing her get off the bus, and where she had gone. "But man, she really looks horrible. I mean, I've seen some pretty nasty broads in my time, but Bella? She takes the cake. And she smells really gross too."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, "Vampire?"

"No, she's still human, but I don't know, she smells really off. I don't really know what she's into, but something's not right."

Jake started walking towards the forest. He looked over his shoulder at me and ordered, "Show me." With that he ran further into the woods, stripped and phased.

Aw jeez, he friggin alpha'd me. I didn't have a choice now. It wasn't really a big deal to me but I wasn't sure how it would effect him. He's my alpha, and what's bad for him usually ends up being bad for the rest of us. With that final thought, I phased and ran through seeing Bella... again.

He silently changed back to human and walked into the house. I phased back as well. I walked through the yard, shrugged my shoulder at the rest of the guys, oh, and Leah, and followed him into the house.

When I got into the kitchen he was hugging Willow from behind while she was trying to finish something on the stove. He kissed her cheek softly and turned to the rest of us. Willow also turned around, smiling as always, and told us, "Since you're all here, you might as well have something to eat. What's going on?"

We all exchanged a cautious look as we took our seats at the table. Leah was leaning against the cabinets and snorted and rolled her eyes, muttering, "Stupid bunch of candy asses." She stepped toward Jacob and huffed out, "Are you going to tell her or not? Cause she deserves to know."

Jacob sighed and looked at Willow with nothing but love in his eyes and said, "Bella's back."

Willow turned back to the stove. I had a feeling it was going to be an interesting evening in the Black house tonight. Jake was trying like hell to look like this wasn't affecting him, but who are we kidding. He loved Bella more than life itself for years and he was devastated when she became the bride of the living dead. Willow knew this too. She was the one who got him to finally take his head out of his ass.

"Well, we'll have to send someone by the Cullen house to determine if they are back or not. Just because she got off a bus by herself doesn't mean they didn't follow her. If I know Edward, he won't be too far behind. We'll also start patrolling more regularly by Charlie's house. We don't know if anyone or anything is going to follow her back here and I want to make sure Charlie is safe. At some point, some of us will have to go over there and find out what her plan is, but I think we should give it a few days before we do that. Beyond making sure she's not a threat anymore, I don't really see that we need to do anything else about this."

Now, I'll be the first to admit I can be a callous prick. But I had to hand it to him. He was trying so hard to look like this wasn't bothering him, but I knew better. We had been pack brothers for a long time and there's just some shit that you just know. I could only hope that this didn't cause problems for him and Willow. She really was a sweetheart and didn't deserve whatever shit storm Bella was sure to bring down on all of us.

Willow had taken a spot on Jacob's lap. She had a pensive look about her. This was sure to effect her too and it just wasn't fair. The news had only just been broken and it was affecting the pack negatively. But I knew one thing, I was going to get to the bottom of her little re-appearance, maybe even get her to get the hell back out of town, if not for my own curiosity, then for my pack brother's piece of mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: First off, thanks so much for the reviews I've gotten so far. It's only getting me more excited to keep writing this. I can't guarantee how this chapter will be because I really hate writing filler, but it's somewhat necessary. This may put some of you off, but I think I'm going to do this in Charlie's POV. I just think it will make the filler crap flow a little better. I'm so excited for Bella to start telling her story though and I know a lot of you are probably intrigued by just exactly what she is trying to forget. Oh, and there will be drug references in this chapter. Don't know if that falls into the "No Under 18's" category, but hey, you've been warned. Stay away if mommy and daddy would be offended. Anyway, without further ado.**

**Oh, and by the way, (something I forgot before) I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters.**

Chapter 3

**CPOV**

I heaved myself out of my recliner and went to the kitchen for another beer. These half time shows were always ridiculous anyway, I thought. On my way to the kitchen, I stopped in front of the mantle over the fireplace. There were a few pictures of myself, Billy, and Harry on some of the fishing trips we had taken. I really missed my friend Harry. He was a great man who raised a loving family and was taken from us all much too soon.

Then I got to another set of pictures, more pictures that represented things that I had lost before I felt it was time. I picked up an old picture of Renee and I that was taken at the hospital just after Bella was born. There lay my little angel in Renee's arms. You could not tell that underneath the smile on Renee's face, she was harboring so much resentment for the life I was more than ready to build here in Forks with her and our Bella. Renee, yet another person that I lost much too soon. When she left with Bella all those years ago it was as if the breath had been taken from my lungs. I loved both of them so much that it killed me to only get to see my daughter once a year, until she finally grew up a little and stopped coming. When she moved in with me in high school, I was the happiest man alive. Even old Billy wouldn't stop teasing me about the grin that was plastered on my face right up until the day she got here.

The next pictures I viewed were of my little girl. Renee had been kind enough to send them to me through the years. I proudly displayed them all, every grade, every milestone she had reached, even had some here from after she moved in with me. Sadly, they stopped at her wedding picture. She had met Edward as soon as she moved here, and lets just say I had never really been that fond of him. He seemed a little too nice, if you know what I mean. He used his charm to get what he wanted, and unfortunately, what he wanted was Bella. But, after the fiasco of him leaving her literally in the dirt, in the forest, he came back and she seemed so happy. When they returned from their honeymoon, they informed me that Carlisle had yet again been offered a job at a prestigious hospital in Los Angeles and they would be moving down to California. Esme wanted to try it again and Edward and Bella would attend UCLA while staying with Carlisle and Esme. It seemed like such a perfect plan.

The day they left for California was the last time I spoke with Bella. While they were here saying goodbye, Edward had given me their contact information, but it was all bad. The phone number he had given me was not in service. Any letters that I had sent her were returned. I used my position as chief of police to pull some strings at UCLA, but the registrar's office there had advised me that they had no record of Edward or Bella Cullen, or Bella Swan for that matter, ever being enrolled there. I tried to look for the rest of the Cullen's, hoping they could give me some clue as to the whereabouts of my little girl. All those attempts were unsuccessful. It was if they had all dropped off the face of the earth and it killed me.

I shook my head and sighed. Well, old man, looks like loneliness is something you should have gotten used to a long time ago. I continued on into the kitchen. As I was reaching into the refrigerator for my beer, there was a knock on the door. Huh, wasn't expecting anyone. The guys at the station knew I had taken a vacation day. Hm, must be Jake. He was such a good kid. Bella or no Bella, he still came around to shoot the breeze sometimes, or to catch a game with me and his father on the flat screen. If I had my way he would have ended up with her. But, I couldn't really complain. Willow was a sweet girl and Jacob had a light in his eyes that I had never seen, even when he was after Bella.

As I pulled the door open, I was greeted with the last person I ever expected it to be. There, on my doorstep, holding a duffel bag that looked almost as big as her, was my Bella.

"Hello, Dad."

Only she wasn't my little Bella anymore. I'm sure my jaw was on the ground, because the woman in front of me didn't look anything like the Bella that had left Forks four years ago. I snapped out of it and said, "Bella, my god. Come in!"

She shuffled through the door, kicking her bag along the way. I'm her father, and I love her more than life itself, but she looked just plain awful. She looked like the junkies that I arrested after they got caught partying a little too much. She looked much older than her 22 years and I couldn't help but think, what the hell had happened to her?

"Bella, I don't... I mean, where... how... what happened to you?" The sight before me was making my eyes prick with tears that no father ever wants to shed. Her eyes looked like they had seen too much, her body slouched in on itself to hint at some burden that she had no doubt been carrying. I wanted to be furious with her, I really did. I had gone four long years thinking that she wanted nothing to do with me, or worse. But, now, standing awkwardly in my kitchen, I just couldn't find it in me to be mad. My daughter was finally home, safe and sound, and if it wasn't for her drastic change in appearance, I would have been the happiest man alive.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're back!" I did the only thing I could do. I grabbed her into my arms, hugging her, afraid that if I let go of her bony frame that she would disappear again. Her arms hesitantly reached up to grab hold of me. She was barely touching me at first, but as the seconds ticked by she relaxed and started to hug me back. When it was over, I kept my arm around her shoulders and led her into the living room. I hit mute on the television and just slumped into my recliner. This was going to be a difficult conversation, but I needed to know.

"Bella, where the hell have you been? Four years? Without so much as a phone call? You have no idea how worried I've been about you!" Now that the shock of her reappearance had worn off, the anger was starting to come out. But I was scared, terrified that if I got too angry she would leave again. I was dreading losing my temper and having her walk right back out the door.

She sat on the couch, head down, shoulders still slumped, hands clasped in her lap. She looked up at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen and replied, "Dad, the Cullen's are gone. It was a horrible accident. I'm sorry, I can't... I mean, I don't, I just don't think I can get into it right now. Please, dad, don't make me get into it right now."

Yet, she didn't look as upset as I thought she would. There were no tears in her eyes. I attributed that to the fact that she had had four years to deal with whatever pain had been brought her way. I felt horrible that she had lost all of he in-laws,and I'm assuming her husband to boot, but I couldn't imagine what kind of accident would claim all of their lives at once. I knew there was a hell of a lot more that she wasn't telling me. I looked at her, and trying to keep my anger in check, asked, "But that doesn't explain where you actually went. Did you know Edward gave me false information about where you were going? Did you know that I was worried sick thinking the worst had happened to you? Do you know how helpless I've felt all these years?" My voice was starting to raise at the end. I had to keep my cool. She had obviously been through a lot.

"Dad, there are things about the Cullen's that you don't know, and trust me, you are much better off not knowing. I'm sorry. I know I should have contacted you, but I couldn't. You will never understand. I'm here now, I'm home _now_. But dad, I'm just so _tired_. Can I please go lie down?" She looked so... off. She didn't look like she was grieving, she just looked numb. I didn't know what to say other than, "I'll carry your bag upstairs. Get settled, get some rest, and we'll talk later."

I followed her upstairs to her room and put her bag at the foot of the bed. I had left her room the way it was before she got married. Nothing more than a lonely old man refusing to let go of his little girl.

"Uh, Bells, do need any help with anything?"

She sat down on the bed, looking out her window and said, "No dad, I'm all set."

I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I bent over and gave my baby girl a kiss on the forehead. After that, I walked out, closing the door behind me. Despite the anger that was just below the surface, I really was happy.

My girl was finally home. And I called the first person that came to mind, my best friend, Billy Black.

BPOV

I walked out of the bar in a mildly better frame of mind than I had walked in. The few shots I had done had taken a little of the edge off, until I met the creep in the back. I was more than relieved at the little baggie of my own personal numbing agent that was nestled safely in the bottom of my bag. I could even feel the calm coming over me, courtesy of an incredible shot to the arm. Not enough to knock me out. I just needed to take the edge off, right?

I took off walking down the street and before I knew it, I was standing in front of the familiar little white house. I don't know where I found the balls to knock on the door, but I did.

I had been so scared that Charlie would be furious. He kept his cool rather well, though, I must admit. I knew he would ask a few questions. I mean, hell, he's my father and I hadn't spoken to him since the day I supposedly left for LA. But god, I just didn't want to listen right now. I wanted to lay down in my room, let the numbness wash over me in comforting waves. I would deal with everything else tomorrow. Tomorrow was another day. His questions would still be there then, wouldn't they? Not like I could answer them.

I was done with trying to act all sad, and straight and sober. Poor Charlie, he had no idea what I'd been into. He had no idea that his precious little girl was no better than the thugs and lowlifes he arrested on a busy weekend night. I was so relieved when his awkward, don't-rock-the-boat attitude finally took over and he let me go up to my room. I was glad to see him, glad to be back in the last place I truly felt safe. But seriously, I just wanted to pass out right now. I had told myself this would be the last time I shot up. This would be the last time I sought that kind of reprieve. Just needed to take the edge off one... last... time.

After he walked out of my room, I rummaged through my bag to find my bag of weed and my pack of smokes. I took out a cigarette and my lighter, and stashed the rest under that loose floorboard. Damn, the stuff that poor little floorboard had hidden. It was kind of funny when you think about it. Or, maybe it wasn't, who the fuck knows. I threw on some sweats and opened up my window. Ha, open window, guess I can leave this thing closed from now on, huh? As I sat there, smoking a butt, I emptied my mind of the fuckery that talking with Charlie had brought up. Continuing to think about it would defeat the purpose of "taking the edge off" right?

When I was done, I flicked the butt out the window onto the ground below. Good thing it was always too damn wet in Forks to start a forest fire. Now that would be some funny shit right there. Oh ya, I felt great now. It was time to just drift into lala land. I climbed into bed, pulled the covers up, and let the numbness consume me until I was no longer conscious.

**A/N: Ok, so Charlie's POV went a lot better than I expected. Guess Bella comes by her abandonment issues honestly, huh? I'm sure a lot of you are thinking that he let her off too easy. But, she looks like crap so it's obvious she's been through hell. And, if you remember from the books, Charlie wasn't one to "hover."**

**And, I know a lot of you are probably scratching your heads at her change in attitude towards the end. Just bear in mind, she's high as a kite and a little drunk to boot. Let me know what you think ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay, so not a lot of reviews so far, but that's alright. I'm really having a blast writing this anyway. I wasn't going to at first, but we will hear a little bit from Jake this time around. The story is eventually going to come full circle to Bella and Paul, but I love Jake's character too so I had to give him a little bit of a voice. And, we have some B/P in this chapter, yay! Enjoy :)**

**Oh, and I don't own Twilight.  
**

**Chapter 4**

_**JPOV**_

The guys had all left and now it was just me and Willow. We were supposed to head over to my dad's for dinner. I was doing my best to make it look like Bella being back wasn't affecting me, but I should have known I couldn't hide it from her. She knew me almost as well as Bella did. I was still sitting at the table, just staring at my hands, wondering what her being back could mean. It's not like it would change anything though. I really did love my girl. She had been there for me through some really rough times. Well, the only rough time I should say. I was a mess after the wedding, and even worse when I heard from Charlie that he had no way to get a hold of Bella, that she had seemed to drop off the face of the earth. I was sure it was because she had been changed. She had told me that was part of the deal... sever all ties, make it simple, make it safe.

But then Willow came into my life. She was the just right mix of sweet and mean, if that makes any sense. She complimented me, and I complimented her. I fought like hell against her. But, she didn't put up with any of my self-pitying crap and got me to realize that, yes, indeed, there was life after Bella Swan. I owed her so much.

She came up behind me, put her hands on my shoulders, and kissed the top of my head. "Babe, do you want to talk about it? Because it's okay if you do."

I grabbed her hand and pulled her in front of me, down onto my lap. I put my arms around her waste and buried my face in her neck for a moment before I looked up at her, giving her a peck on the lips and the best smile I could manage. "Honey, this doesn't change anything with us. Not at all. I'm curious as hell about what's happened to her, but it doesn't take anything away from how I feel about you, at all."

She looked at me with those eyes that could see deep into my soul and replied, "Well, you wouldn't be normal if it didn't bother you. First loves are hard to get over under normal circumstances. Never mind all this bull that you guys have to deal with at the same time. I just want you to know that I understand, and I'll do whatever you need me to do, and let you do whatever _you_ need to do."

That was one of the things I loved about her. She wasn't resentful of my past feelings for Bella. She didn't make a big deal out of the fact that it killed me all these years, thinking that I knew what Bella was. Finding out that she was still human? Well, that was more of a mind-fuck than I wanted to deal with right now. I let out another sigh. Damn, I've been doing that a lot this afternoon. I gave her another kiss, this one a little longer than the last and said, "Come on, let's head over to Dad's. There's no telling what kind of mess he'll make out of dinner without you there."

When we pulled up to my dad's, he was out on the front porch, elbows on his chair, tapping his fingers together. From the look on his face, I knew something was up, but I hoped with everything I had that I was wrong. I really couldn't deal with anything more today. He said hello and we followed him into the house. He and Willow joked about his cooking skills, but there was something about his tone of voice that left me with a feeling of unease. My father wasn't one to keep things from me but I figured when he was ready, he would tell me what was bothering him. He finally broke it to me at dinner.

Cautiously, he started, "So Jake, I got an interesting phone call today from Charlie."

I replied, "We already know. Paul saw her while he was patrolling through Forks today."

Billy thought about this for a minute before pressing, "And?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "And, nothing. We're going to keep an eye on things. Most likely we'll head over there at some point to find out what her intentions are, what her in-laws intentions are. I'm not about to let this disrupt the pack any more than it has to."

Willow sat there silently twirling her spaghetti on her fork. My father just looked at me with raised eyebrows. I dropped my fork in my plate. "Okay, I know. Bella being back, and still human, is beyond weird. Yes, it bothers me. It mostly bothers me because for four years she's been human and we all thought that she was the walking dead. It bothers me because even though she's human, she still looks like death on a stick. These are things that I want to get to the bottom of. These are things that I want, no, _deserve_ answers for. If not because I loved her once, then at least because we were best friends once upon a time."

Willow let out a breath she had apparently holding, relief painted on her face. "Finally!" She looked at me with that smirk that I love, leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Like I said, can't ever hide anything from her. I shook my head and let out an, albeit tense, laugh. Billy simply nodded his head and added, "Sounds like a good plan."

_**PPOV**_

Patrolling through Forks, I still hadn't picked up the scent of any leeches. I had been by the Cullen house, and while their scent was still there, it was old. Damn, that nasty shit never faded away, did it? Satisfied with the knowledge that they hadn't come back yet, I made my way over to Charlie's to check on the woman of the hour, letting my mind wander. Yesterday had gone a lot better than expected. Jake had taken the news rather well. He didn't get all worked up about it, but then again, his temper had calmed quite a bit over time. He was alpha now, and he couldn't afford to go loosing his shit over every little thing. Not that this was a little thing, by any means. We were all nervous about what kind of trouble little Lucy-Leechlover was going to bring down, but like Jake said. Until we knew why she was here and what was going on with her coven of freaks there was nothing we could do.

Coming up to the forest behind Charlie's house, I could see that the cruiser was gone. I wasn't prepared for the rest of the mess that assaulted my senses. If I thought Bella stunk yesterday, the stench coming from the house today was even worse. Man, that was potent shit. It was almost worse than the smell of a vampire. When I heard the sounds of retching coming from upstairs I put two and two together. Aw man, she was fucking puking. I spun around and started to high-tail it out of there. But, the friggin wolf, protector, save the fucking world part of my brain told me to go back and make sure she was okay. God, it sucks being a hero.

I phased back and threw my shorts on. I figured I'd just jump into the tree outside her room, make sure she wasn't dead, and be on my merry way again. When I looked in her bedroom window, the sight before me made my own guts twist. She was bent over the edge of the bed, head in a bucket, making the most god-awful noises I've ever heard. When she finally came up for air, she was shaking, and shaking bad. She had hair stuck to her forehead in a sticky mess and she was sweating bullets. Son of a bitch, I couldn't just leave her like this. I figured trying to jump in through her closed window was just plain creepy (and stupid) so I decided to use the front door. It was, surprisingly, unlocked. Jeez, for a police chief he doesn't take home security very seriously.

I ran up the stairs to her room. Great, _that_ door was locked. Oh well, Charlie would just have to get over it. I kicked the door in. She didn't even have the energy to flinch. I walked over to her just as she was leaning over her puke bucket. By now, she was just dry heaving. There was nothing left in that tiny little body to up-chuck. I sat beside her, trying like hell to hold my breath,and rubbed what I assumed were soothing circles on her back. She didn't even look up, too lost in her sickness to care that someone was there. The shirt on her back was damp with sweat and really pretty gross. She finally got a break from the nastiness and flopped back on her pillow.

"Kill me, kill me now."

Nah, she ain't getting off that easy. "Bella, open your eyes and look at me." She did. God, her pupils were like pinpoints.

"Do you remember me?" I know it sounded stupid, but I didn't want her to think that some stranger had come into her bedroom without her knowing. Oh, what was I thinking? She loved that kind of shit. According to Jake, Doucheward used to do it all the time. Anyway, focus Paul! She let out a huff of indignation.

"Of course I fucking remember you, Paul. Do you think I'm stupid. Oh god, oh no..." With that she leaned over the bed, heaving a little more. I could tell that she was getting dehydrated. Christ, she probably only weighed 100 pounds soaking wet. If she was losing too much fluid, this could go south in a hurry.

"Bella, I'm going to empty your um, bucket and get you something to drink. Do you have anything like Gatorade? Any kind of sports drink?"

She curled up on her side, shaking and clutching her stomach. As much as I told myself that I couldn't give a shit about Bella, she wasn't doing good at all. I had my suspicions about what was wrong with her. She opened one eye and said, "I know Charlie used to keep some in the fridge. There might be some there."

After opening her window to air the place out, I grabbed the bucket and made my way across the hall to the bathroom, being careful not to splash all that funk on my legs. How the hell did I end up here? This was not in the fucking shape-shifter job description! I dumped the contents in the toilet, rinsed it out and got back just in time for her to start trying to barf again. It wasn't like she needed the bucket anymore, poor little bitch was running on empty. I sped downstairs at werewolf speed, grabbed her a drink, (OJ would have to do), and stopped in the bathroom to grab a couple cool, wet washcloths. When I got back into her room she was moaning. She seemed to be in a lot of pain but I didn't dare give her anything. Now that her room was aired out a bit, another scent hit my nose.

I sat down on the edge of her bed, grabbed her face in my hands and asked, "Bella, what are you coming down from?" She weakly shook her head, trying to release herself from my grasp. Her breathing had picked up and I could tell she was pissed. Well, good. I didn't give a fuck if she was pissed or not about me outing her little secret. My suspicions were confirmed when I let go of her face and grabbed her arm. I could see the needle marks. She also had some really weird scars that wrapped completely around each wrist. Sweet Jesus, what the hell had she been up to?

"Bella, normally I could care less what's happening to you, but if you want me to help, you need to tell me what you were on!" Goddamn, I had been through a scene similar to this one. Or rather, I had watched a scene similar to this one. Imagine, being a twelve year old boy watching your mom try to help your dad through detox. It was not a good time. Unfortunately, my dad had ended up choking on his own vomit and died in his sleep. Wasn't like dear old mom could really do anything, she was usually three sheets to the wind. Ya, my home life was fucked up. Big deal, I got over it. As much as other people's drug use pissed me off, I had to help her. Call it some psycho-babble bull shit about feeling guilty about my father if you want, whatever.

"Girl, what the hell are you on!" I was yelling at her and I could tell it was killing her head. I didn't care. She wasn't getting off that easy. She hid her face in her pillow, and her weak voice replied, "Smack."

"Great, anything else?"

There was a pause before she answered, "A little weed." Ha! I knew I could smell it in here. Well, good, the weed, that wasn't that big a deal as far as her symptoms were concerned. I just had to make sure she stayed hydrated, didn't choke or anything, and she could get through this. God, what would Charlie say. I knew he would be home at some point and I didn't think he'd be too happy. I wasn't about to leave her like this. I knew full well what could happen.

"Bell, hon, you need to drink something and try like hell to keep it down." I lifted the glass to her lips and encouraged her to take a few slow sips. At least that was something. She leaned into my chest. Not that I had any sympathy for her, but she was exhausted. I grabbed one of the washcloths and started wiping down her arms and her face. I could tell she felt hotter than normal. That was par for the course though. I was hoping this wouldn't last long. She probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep anytime soon, but I had a feeling she would eventually be okay. I got her to drink a little more and then she started to pull away, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Just where the hell do you think you're going?" She spun around quicker than I thought she could manage right now. She was seething.

"What the fuck do you care anyway? If you must know, I'm going by my window to have a smoke. Why don't you just take your friggin wolf tailed ass out of here. I'm fine!"

I shook my head. Ornery little bitch, isn't she? "Ya, I can see you're fine. That real fuckin' obvious."

She raised her arms, shaking her head, "Why are you here anyway? I have to be the last person in the world you guys would give a shit about helping."

That was a real good question. I sighed and answered, "Look, the whole wolf thing? It doesn't really let us walk away from someone who needs help. Sure, we can do it, but we feel like shit after. I could smell you throwing up from the damn woods. I know what you're going through. I've seen it. And trust me, you do not want to be alone for this. Believe me, this is the last goddamn place I want to be right now. So just smoke your cigarette and chill the fuck out! Until you get over this shit, you're stuck with me!"

She stomped over to the window like a two year old and lit her cigarette. I just let her be for now. She needed to stew a little on the mess she had become. I needed her to feel a little bit ashamed that someone knew her dirty little secret, well, one of them anyway. When her smoke was finished and she had thrown the butt out the window, she made her way back over to the bed. Sitting down with her legs folded up to her chest, arms resting on her knees, head resting on her arms, she started rocking. Her shaking had subsided and the cool air from the open window was helping with the sweating. I figured from the looks of things, she was a good ways through the withdrawals. She had calmed down quite a bit, so I decided to address the proverbial pink elephant in the room.

"Why Bella? How does someone as smart as you end up a two-bit junkie?" As much as I kept telling myself that I didn't give a shit, she had my interest peaked. She really did have a lot going for her. Before she left Forks, she was actually kind of pretty. And from what Jake said, she was smart as hell too. Apparently, she didn't like my questions, because she moved her hands into her hair and was clutching clumps of it like her life depended on it. She was shaking her head back and forth as if she could shake her thoughts right out.

"Don't, not now, please don't make me tell you. Please don't bring it up. I can't.. I just... let me get over this. Just let me get through this." She started smacking the ball of her hand against her forehead. Wow, this girl was seriously fucked up. I knew the pack would eventually want to know anyway and I told her that. She finally lifted her head and said, "You all want to know what happened, I get that. I didn't think I'd be able to come back without going over it with you guys. But, please. Just. Not. Now." The look she gave me would have broken my heart, if I really cared about her that is. I just handed her the glass of juice and watched quietly as she stopped rocking and took a good long sip. She put her head back down and went back to rocking.

I went to the bathroom to freshen up the washcloths. When I walked back into her room I could tell she was trying not to cry. In spite of the fact that I felt some sadistic need to help her, I knew I had a duty to my pack. I had ditched my patrol to come in here and take care of her, so I had to at least get something out of it.

"Bella, I know you don't want to talk about much and that's fine. I don't care. But you do understand that I have certain obligations. I need you to tell me, are the Cullen's coming back?"

She quickly looked up at me like a deer in the headlights, then put her head back down and went back to smacking it with her palm. I could barely make out her words as she said, "No, they're not coming back. They're dead." And she continued with the hitting, and the rocking, all the while whispering, "Dead, dead, dead, dead...."

Well, fuck me.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Your reviews for the last chapter blew me away! Thanks so much to everyone! I hope you all had a great April Fool's Day and wishes for a Happy Easter. **

**I don't own Twilight  
**

**Chapter 5**

_**PPOV**_

Holy shit. I think she just told me that her bloodsuckers were dead. Wait, no my brain is just making me hear what I want. Ya, she must have, because she keeps saying the word dead, over and over again. Shit, do I want this? Do I want them to be dead? Of course I do. They're monsters. Filthy friggin leeches who shouldn't even exist. I wonder how long they've been nothing but ashes.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

But this is killing Bella. And why do I care about that? In the past I really only put up with her for Jacob's sake. I fought alongside the Cullen's in the newborn battle because it was a chance to kill some vampires. But damn, nobody deserved to be as fucked up as she was now. It had to have been something totally heinous for them to all be dead at once. I mean, seriously, it's not like they can die from some kind of disease or old age.

Old age. Hm, I wonder what they look like when they get really, really old, like hundreds and hundreds of years. I mean think about it, all that rock hard, whatever they're made of has to start degrading at some point, doesn't it? Shit, focus Paul!

Okay, seriously fucked up and upset girl sitting next to you rocking and smacking herself in the head. Double shit. What the fuck do I do with this? I'm a freaking werewolf for god's sake, it's not like we go through mandatory sensitivity training. You know what? I was better off when she was puking. That's easy stuff. Hold her hair back, empty the bucket, give her a drink. Problem solved. This though, this was beyond me. Well, for starters I guess I could try to get her to stop whacking herself.

I gently grabbed her wrist, that tiny, scarred up little wrist. Great, now she's got the other one doing the same thing. Okay, grab both wrists then. Aw damn, now she's banging her head against her knees. I've got a feeling there aren't enough hands in the world to hold this girl together right now. Maybe if I let go of her wrists and just....

I put my hand on top of her head and whispered, "Hey, stop that before you hurt yourself." I started softly rubbing her head. This seemed to calm her down quite a bit. Her rocking stopped and her breathing started to even out a bit. I moved my hand from her head, down to her back and went back to rubbing circles. Hey, it worked while she was throwing up. I don't know how long we stayed like that. I knew I was going to have to check in with the pack. I also knew that Charlie would probably be home any minute. Not wanting to bring up the subject of the Cullen's again, I said to her, "Bella, you know your dad is going to be home soon. He's going to wonder about your um, condition. How are you planning on handling that?"

She raised her head and stared across the room for a minute. After letting out a sigh, she replied, "He probably already knows. I mean, he's not stupid." She had a point. I'm sure Charlie had seen more than his share of people whacked out on something.

"How long, Bella?" I asked.

She took a deep breath and answered, "Off and on for about a year. Some days I could manage with nothing at all. Others, well, they were a lot harder. Something would happen, or I would hear something or see something and it would set everything off again. I do have to say that right now it's taking everything I have not to pack a bowl and smoke myself into oblivion. I didn't want to talk about any of this just yet."

I continued rubbing her back. Tears were starting to roll down her cheeks and I had to admit I felt bad for her. I wasn't about to push her to tell me the whole story because I knew that the pack, hell, maybe even the elders, would want to know what happened. I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me and said, "You don't need to talk about them, Bella. But we do need to come up with a way for you to break the news to Charlie about all this."

Her head went back down to her knees and she groaned. "Oh god, he' s going to be so disappointed. This is not the daughter he raised. I don't know who this is anymore."

I couldn't believe I was about to do this. But if it meant keeping her emotions in check and her clean for a day, I would. I don't know when I had made up my mind that this was my problem now, but I was going for it.

"Bella, if you want I'll give Charlie the basics when he gets home. You'll have to tell him the rest though. That will give you a little more time to figure out how you want to talk to him about this."

She answered, "You would do that for me? Why? Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but seriously, why do you give a shit?"

Okay, she had me there. I still didn't really know why I cared about any of this. But I guess I felt since I was the one that kept coming across her, that it ended up being my responsibility. That she had become my problem. Which, I have to say, pissed me off just a little bit. The last person I would expect myself to help would be Bella Swan. I figured I'd play it cool and told her, "I've seen people go through withdrawals before. I've seen people go through some really rough shit. I've just, well, I've been there. So I guess I can see where you're coming from. Do you want my help or not?"

"Ya, that would be, um, nice I guess." Well, Paul, you asked her and she said yes. There's no backing out now. But, I had already been here a while so I knew the pack was wondering where the hell I was. I didn't want to phase and have whoever was out there see what had gone on here. "Bella, I'm just going to go check in with the pack."

She gave me a panicked look. She knew how we worked, so she also knew that as soon as I phased my brain would most likely regurgitate the whole awful scene this afternoon. I let out a small laugh and said, "Bella, I'm going to use my cell phone. I won't phase, okay?"

She let out a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Can I trust you here alone for a minute?" She rolled her eyes, nodded again, and flopped back against her pillows. With that I walked outside, pulling my phone out of my pocket and called Jacob. I figured he'd be pissed at me for being here and ditching patrol, but hey, it's not like he could be here.

The phone barely rang once before he picked it up, "Paul! You better have a damn good excuse for why I'm answering a call from you right now because last time I checked, you couldn't dial with paws!"

Ah, shit, I was in for it. Well, Paul, might as well just bite the bullet. "I'm at Bella's."

Silence.

And then more silence.

"Um, Jake, you still there?" I heard him breathing so I took that as a good sign. At least he wasn't growling.

"What the hell are you doing there?"

Okay, how do I handle this without pissing off the alpha and letting the cat out of the bag about Bella? I decided to start out with vague answers and then I'd work my way up to the whole truth only if I needed to.

"Look Jacob, I was patrolling and I went by her house just to make sure there weren't any leeches around. She was really sick, so I went in to check on her and ended up helping her out."

Silence again.

"How sick?" I let out a mental sigh. I could tell he still cared about her. This had to be messing with his mind pretty bad. But, he had Willow now, so it really wasn't his concern. I also knew that it wasn't that easy to let go of her. They really had shared a lot together.

"Dude, listen, she was really sick, I mean, I could tell from outside the house. Charlie must be at work because the cruiser is gone. I mean, if she ends up puking up a lung it wouldn't be any of my business, but since I was the one who heard her getting sick in the first place I figured I would just check on her real quick. But damn, did you know that it is incredibly hard for a wolf to turn their back on anyone who needs help? Apparently we're made for more than just fucking up vampires, because seriously dude, I don't really give a shit what happens to Bella Swan." I was rambling and I knew it. I also didn't know who I was trying harder to convince, myself, or Jacob.

I heard a sigh on the other end of the line. "Alright Paul, do what you need to do. Your patrol was supposed to end in an hour but I had Brady cover for you. But I want you out there tomorrow at your usual time, is that clear?"

"Crystal, boss. See ya." I hung up before I could dig myself a deeper hole and went back inside the house. Before I could make it all the way up the stairs, I heard the cruiser pull in the driveway. Great, Charlie's back. What the hell do I do now, check on Bella or deal with Charlie. I wanted to get upstairs and make sure she hadn't done anything stupid like light up a joint. Okay, check on Bella it is. If Charlie catches me in his daughter's bedroom, well, hopefully werewolves can heal from bullet wounds.

I was relieved to see when I walked back into the room that she had finished her juice and was able to keep it down. Her room didn't smell like a Cheech and Chong movie set so I figured my other worry had been pointless. It would probably piss her right the hell off, but I would be flushing her stash the first chance I got. I'd let her keep her cigarettes, though. Girl needed something to keep her sane.

"Bells, you up there?" We could hear his footsteps coming up the stairs. Bella looked up at me nervously. I told her not to worry, that we would handle it however we needed to. Damn, where the hell is this 'we' bullshit coming from. Much as I wouldn't actually come out and admit it, I was here for the long haul. Just then, the door to her room opened and Charlie poked his head in. He swung the door open all the way when he saw me... sitting on the edge of her bed... with no shirt on. Aw crap, I can just imagine how this looks. Bella's a sweaty mess in her bed and here I am, a half naked Quileute sitting right there next her. I better do something quick or else I was dead.

Charlie's face was turning red, but at least he hadn't pulled out his gun yet. Bella decided to be fucking cheeky and start with, "So dad, how was _your_ day?" I gave her a dirty look and dropped my head in my hands. Charlie's face was about turning purple and if I didn't do something quick I was probably going to end up taking a crash course in CPR on Bella's bedroom floor.

"Chief Swan, I stopped by earlier today to deliver a message for Jacob and I could see that Bella wasn't feeling well. I helped her out a bit and then suggested she go back to bed." Well, that sounded dumb. Ah, hell, he was going to learn the truth pretty soon anyway. The color started to fade from his face a little bit when he noticed that his daughter actually did look worse than yesterday, if that was possible.

"Bells, you doin' okay?" She picked her head up off the pillow and answered, "Ya, I'm starting to feel a bit better."

"Okay, so what was the message, Paul?" Shit, he had me there. I should have been smart enough to come up with something before he could put me on the spot like this.

"Oh, uh, the uh, bonfire for tonight was um, canceled. Ya, Jake wasn't sure if you were planning on going and he didn't want you to drive all the way out to La Push for nothing." Thank god that in light of recent events, the bonfire really had been canceled. It would really suck if I got busted in a lie.

I knew I had told Bella that I would help her ease Charlie into the knowledge that his daughter was trying to detox herself so I suggested, "Maybe, Chief Swan, you could help me make some chicken soup for Bella? Would you like that Bella?" I turned to her and gave her a look so she would know what I was up to. She gave me a small nod and closed her eyes.

Charlie and I went downstairs to the kitchen. I watched while he got a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the table. It was now or never. I took and deep breath and just came out with it.

"Chief, this is going to be difficult for you to hear, but the reason Bella is sick is because she is coming down off of, well, off of heroin."

Charlie just sat there, spinning the beer bottle cap on the table. He finally looked up at me and said, "So that's what it is. I figured something was up when she showed up here yesterday looking the way she does."

He took a sip and I waited. I didn't know what he'd ask for questions and I didn't really want to dodge them, or give up more information than I told Bella I would. So I jumped ahead and told him, "Bella was okay with me telling you what the problem was, but nothing else. She wants to talk to you about the rest of it when she feels up to it. But Charlie, I wouldn't force her. I don't know what pushed her to this, but she will come out with it in her own time. And I know she's worried as hell about what you'll think of her."

Charlie took this in and replied, "Nothing could have made me happier than when my baby girl showed up on my doorstep yesterday, I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? I know she will tell me eventually. I just don't know what to do right now. Is she going to be okay, should I take her to the hospital? Rehab? I just don't know!"

"I think she' ll be just fine here Charlie. I'll stay and help you out through the worst of it, but honestly I think that's already passed. Now how about we get her some of that chicken soup? She could use something in her stomach."

Charlie heated up the soup and I let him bring it up to Bella. With my werewolf hearing, I heard him give her a kiss and tell her, "I love you Bells, no matter what. I'm here for you. And I always will be, no matter what."

I heard her reply, a teary, "I love you dad. I'm so sorry." And then I heard him say, "You don't have to be sorry. You're here now, that's all that matters." With that, he came back downstairs and sat in front of his tv, turning the game on.

I made my way back upstairs. Bella was sitting up, tears rolling down her cheeks. I figured she'd had enough emotional upheaval for one day, so I just pushed the bowl of soup into her hands. She ate the entire thing and I was relieved when it didn't come back up on her. We just sat in silence for a good part of the evening. Exhaustion finally claimed her and she drifted off to sleep. I was pretty wiped out myself, but I figured if I left that would freak her out. She had gotten used to me being here, and I had told her that she was stuck with me. I stretched out on the floor and gave myself up to sleep.

**A/N: Meh, I felt like I started out strong in this chapter and then fizzeled at the end. Hope it wasn't too disappointing. Bella's story is coming soon! **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

PPOV

That first night was a rough one. Bella was exhausted but she kept waking up. Insomnia was part of the whole thing though, I guess. I had stayed with her for most of the morning before I had to go take my patrol. I didn't want to piss Jake off so I had to make sure I didn't miss any more because I was with Bella.

While I was out there that first day I had let my mind wander. It was killing me, not knowing what had gone down in the last four years. I mean, before she left I hadn't really hated her. I guess you could call my feelings toward her indifferent. She was friends with Jake, so she was friends with the pack by default. Granted, most of the shit my pack had been through was because of her, but there was nothing anybody could do to change any of that now. She had wrapped us all up in this world the moment she got a crush on Edward Cullen. Actually, Edward had wrapped her up in it when he decided to reciprocate. And then she had been stupid enough to fall in love with him and marry the fucker. I guess it really is true what they say though. You can't help who you love.

We were still on semi-alert. None of us thought that Bella would be stupid enough to come home if there was any kind of risk involved. If anything, the girl was pretty selfless. But then, breaking Jacob the way she did was the most self_ish _thing she could have ever done. God, a person could make themselves crazy going around the circles of Bella Swan's mind.

The rest of the week passed by much the same way. I would spend time with Bella, making sure she wasn't slipping into her old habit, then run my patrols in the afternoon. We hadn't picked up on any threats, so we were still running one-man patrols. One of the advantages to being what I guess you could call a "senior" wolf in the pack was that I didn't get stuck with the shitty midnight or early morning patrols anymore. Unless of course, I fucked up really bad.

Bella was really doing better than I thought. I knew she hadn't totally kicked her dependance, but she was making steps in the right direction. I could tell most days she just wanted to crawl right out of her skin, but she was getting by. We talked a little bit, mostly about mundane, everyday stuff, but she avoided the subject of the Cullens, of vampires in general, like the plague. She wasn't all that bad to shoot the shit with either. She had a fucked up sense of humor and was quick with the come-backs if I started picking on her a little too much. I was trying to give her some sense of normalcy. Somewhere along the line I had taken her and her drug problem up as my responsibility. I wanted to see her get better. She was capable of so much if she could just stay clean.

"What do you mean, if she could just stay clean? Paul, what the hell are you talking about?"

Oh, shit a brick. I'm dead. Bella didn't want anyone but me and Charlie to know right now. But, fuck, there was my alpha, phased in and following everyone of my thoughts. And he was _pissed_.

"Jake, calm down a second." I was trying to get him to not take off for Forks and, well, I don't know what he'd do.

"What do you mean, 'her drug problem'? Paul, you better start giving me answers!" Now, Jake wasn't one to abuse the whole alpha-voice thing, but I knew if I kept it from him, eventually I wouldn't have a choice.

"Damn right, you won't have a choice. What the hell is going on?"

That first night at Bella's played through my mind like a movie on fast forward. Jake had been running towards me and stopped in his tracks when I got to the part about the Cullen's being dead. He replayed the whole thing in his own mind, dropping to the ground and whimpering when he got to the needle marks and the scars on her wrists.

"So that's what you've been doing this week, huh? I have to say Paul, I'm kind of uh, proud of you?"

"Jeez, thanks boss." Ah, the confidence from my alpha always astounded me. I mean, seriously, I wasn't the fuck up that everyone thought I was. I just preferred to let them all think that so I could fly under the radar. Pretty smart, if you ask me.

"God, I really want to go see her, but I don't know. I don't know if I can look at her knowing the hell she put me and her dad through. I don't know if I can get through a conversation with her without phasing. But, I really missed her, ya know? In spite of Willow."

I thought about this for a minute. She had only mentioned him once or twice, but I knew she wanted to see Jake too. She knew she had a lot of making up and kissing up to do if she wanted to stay in Forks without being miserable. But I also knew it wasn't just about apologizing. She missed her friend.

"Jake, you need to talk to her. Not an interrogation about the past four years, but at least just, I don't know, reconnect or something. Start small, start _something. _I think she needs that. She's only had me and Charlie since she's been back." I started to formulate a plan in my head and did my best to keep it hidden.

"Well, I already talked to the elders about her. They are trusting me to 'deal with the situation' however I see fit. Doesn't sound like there's much to deal with anymore."

"No, Jake, there's not. Come on. Let's head over there. I know you've been wanting to talk to her and, even if she's too stubborn to admit it, I know she wants to see you. I'll be there in case things get out of hand. If they go really well I'll take my ass out of there and you guys can talk. There's a lot she still needs to know, boss."

I could see he agreed with me. I hadn't said a word to her about Jake being with someone. Just like it wasn't my place to tell anyone about Bella's problems. I nudged my alpha with my nose and got him to stand up. Without another word, we took off towards Forks and were in the woods outside Bella's house before we knew it. We had decided that I would go in first and see what kind of day she was having, then I'd let her know that Jake was waiting outside. Instinctively, I sniffed the air for vampires and, finding none, I knocked on the door and let myself into the house.

The sight in front of me would have made the old Paul bust up laughing. But this was just really kind of sad. I knew Bella was bored and trying to keep herself as busy as she could but, this was a little ridiculous.

"Um, Bella? Did you uh, wash this whole carpet by hand? I'm no Heloise, but you do know they have machines for that, right?" She was on her hands and knees right now in the living room, just about to make her way into the kitchen. She had a bucket of soapy water on one side, a bucket of clean water on the other, and only about a one foot strip of carpet left. She was scrubbing the damn thing like her life depended on it, then wiping it down with the clean water.

"Yes, I did. It needed it. Jeez, I swear Charlie doesn't know how to operate a vacuum cleaner." I shook my head and crouched down beside her.

"So, what kind of day is it today?" She had taken to classifying her days as either good or bad. Good days, she was able to function. Bad days, she was a jumpy, teary mess. Scrubbing carpets? I couldn't quite figure out what category that fell into.

"Today, my furry little friend, is a good day. Look at this, I accomplished something. Oh! And did you see the kitchen? Damn thing sparkles again." She had such a look of pride on her face that I really didn't want to burst her bubble and start laughing. She had gone back to scrubbing. She needed this, needed to feel a sense of purpose again. I was even getting ready to approach the subject of her maybe starting to job hunt one of these days. But it made my heart fall into my stomach knowing the news I was about to break to her.

"Bella, there's someone outside who wants to see you." Her scrubbing stopped. She stayed there, stooped over her scrub brush, appearing perfectly calm, and asked, "Who?"

"Jake." I waited for a minute. She sat back on her calves and was fiddling with the brush.

"Why?" She didn't sound upset, just, blank. I knew she was probably thinking he wanted her explanation now, but I reassure her that wasn't the case. I told her he only wanted to check in on her and then rehashed the whole embarrassing slip I had made when he phased in and caught me by surprise. I just sat there and waited for her answer.

"So he knows? He knows everything?" Bella turned slowly towards me. That dull look had come across her face again.

"Ya, he knows. There's no judgement, no anger, he just wants to see you. I told him to keep the interrogation out of it for now. But, I think you know as well as I do that you kind of miss him. And, I'll stay if you want me to. If you want me to leave, I will. It's your call."

She sat silently for a moment, still fidgeting with the brush. She blew a stray hair away from her eyes and said, "Could you stay? At least for a little bit?" She trusted me. I had seen her at her lowest and now she trusted me. She wasn't pissed that I had slipped. She wasn't pissed that Jacob was waiting outside her door. I really hoped that this little reunion went well.

"Absolutely. If things go well and you want me to leave, I can do that too. Hell, I'm supposed to be on patrol right now, so he'll probably push me out the door anyway." I let out a small laugh and she snorted back at me.

"Okay, send him in." She got up off the floor and made her way into the kitchen to wash up a bit. I had opened the door and motioned for Jake to come inside.

BPOV

I turned around when I heard the door open and there he was. My Jacob, my sun. Only, he wasn't my Jacob anymore. While physically, he didn't look any older, his eyes just had a much older look to them. They weren't the eyes of my Jacob anymore. What had I done by leaving him? What had I done by marrying Edward despite him pleading, begging me not to? What had _he _seen since I had been away? I didn't really know how to start this off. It had been four years and I knew there had to be some anger there, buried under the calm facade. I couldn't beat around the bush. I couldn't pretend that I hadn't hurt him. I couldn't hide behind idle conversation. I knew what I needed to do.

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it, I know. But I am. And I'm glad you're here."

I waited. Jake was as still as a statue, his face still giving away nothing. Paul stood quietly off to his right, waiting to jump in if Jacob flew off the handle. I didn't know a lot of things anymore, but I still knew deep down that Jacob would never hurt me, physically at least.

Finally, a break. Jacob let out a breath and replied, "No, it doesn't. I'm glad you can understand that. I'm just... wow, you're really here." He was still in disbelief. I know he thought I had been changed soon after my wedding.

"Ya, I'm here. In one piece, too, amazingly enough." I stayed in my place, leaning against the counter and he stayed in his place, just inside the door. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The awkwardness of the moment was killing me and if I didn't do something soon, who knows how long we'd end up standing here.

"Do you guys want something to drink? Something to eat?" Jake and Paul looked at each other. They seemed to be having a silent conversation. Paul gave me a look that said 'are you okay?' I nodded to him and he said, "Well, I'm gonna leave you guys to it. Gotta get back out on my patrol, right boss?"

Jake said something but I couldn't really be sure what it was. I hated when creatures spoke too low for me to hear like that. It freaked me out to end. But, I wasn't in that place anymore. I was in Charlie's house and I reminded myself that it was safe here. Paul left and it was just me and Jacob. I motioned for him to sit down in one of the kitchen chairs and then grabbed a couple sodas out of the fridge. I sat down across the table from him. I didn't want to get too close. I didn't want him to think I expected anything. Four years is a long time and I had a feeling that he hadn't been lonely for all of them.

We sat there for another few minutes of silence. This was friggin ridiculous. I decided to use a brilliant opener, "So..."

He looked up from his soda can, raised his eyebrow, and replied, "So, um, besides everything, um, you know, uh, how have you been?"

I really didn't want him to start with that question. Mostly because I didn't know how to answer it. Well, I did, but I didn't think it was anything he wanted to hear right this second and I sure as hell knew I didn't want to talk about it this second.

"Honestly, Jake, I've been a mess. A lot's happened."

"I know, Paul told me and uh, I'm sorry for your loss."

"Paul doesn't know the half of it," I murmured, staring at the table. My eyes pricked with tears that I thought I was finished shedding. Of course, I had probably told myself I was done crying over them while I was stoned out of my gourd, but nonetheless, I didn't want to cry over them anymore. Especially in front of Jake. He didn't deserve that.

"There's more? Look, I don't want to talk about them anymore than you probably do right now, but Bella, I know you loved them. I know it must have been hard losing them. But this, Bella?" He reached across the table and shoved the sleeves of my sweatshirt up. I didn't have his super werewolf healing abilities, so there were still faint needle marks on my arm and a little bruising. His hand moved down from my bicep, where it was holding up my sweatshirt, to the scars at my wrists. He turned my arm over and back again, his eyes wide with confusion.

"I didn't try to kill myself Jake." He needed at least that reassurance. But he really couldn't fathom where those scars came from. He couldn't understand right now that there were many, many more that he just couldn't see.

"Bells, these go all the way around your wrist. What the hell happened to you?" I shook my head. I didn't want to go there right now and I told him so.

"Look, eventually, it will all come out. I know that, Jake. But not now. You won't be able to understand this, but Paul, he was there for me at my worst. Shocking, I know, but he was. If anything I think he deserves the whole story before anyone else, or at least to be here when I have to relive that fucking nightmare again. Because, that's all the last four years have been, is a fucking-with-a-capital-F nightmare." I was shaking again. I pulled down my sleeves and started rubbing my arms furiously to try to stop it. I needed to get control of myself. Why hadn't I made Paul stay?

Jake looked like he was lost. I'm sure he could see that this had stirred something up and he had no clue how to deal with it. But, I couldn't dig myself into a hole and hide anymore. I had to face things, it was one of the things Paul had been trying to get me to understand all week. Well, no time like the present to start trying I guess.

Jake grabbed one of my hands across the table and asked, "Are you safe?"

I knew what he was really getting at. What he really meant to say was, 'are we all safe.' I knew we were. At least, I hoped so. I had been given a promise and I could only hope they held up their end of the bargain.

"Ya, pretty much. Let's just say I've done my time in hell and leave it at that for now. Please, Jake?"

He took a deep breath and let it out in a huff and said, "You're not going to give me a choice for now anyway, are you? But that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. We're having a bonfire tomorrow. I would really like you to be there. The rest of the pack doesn't know anything about all of this and, well, I think they deserve answers as much as I do. I want answers eventually, Bella."

"And you'll get them. Just not today. And not at some tribe bonfire. Those are usually happy occasions, right? Well, my story is nowhere near happy."

"It won't be the tribe, just the pack. The imprints may be there too, I'm not sure yet. Quil and Embry, they haven't said it outright yet, but I know they'd like to see you too. Bella, we fought like hell to save your ass once. I think you owe us."

Nope, this wasn't my Jacob anymore. He was in full-on alpha mode. I couldn't believe he threw Victoria in my face. I knew I wouldn't be able to put this off much longer. I was doing okay, I guess. I sighed, looked up at him and answered, "Alright, I'll be there."

I can't believe I had agreed to it. I knew that when I eventually told Paul, the rest of the pack would see it through his mind. Maybe it would be better if they heard it first hand. There were things I needed to show them anyway. Things that a memory filtered through some supernatural mind link would not do justice to. They needed to know that the last four years of my life had been hell on earth.

"So, tell me what you've been up to. We aren't talking about me right now, so, how's Billy?"

"Billy's doing alright. Same stubborn old man he always was. I check in on him every day. I think he's liking the whole empty nest thing more than he'll admit."

So, there it was. Jake wasn't living at home anymore. An uneasy silence descended on the room. I had to show him that I was strong enough to take this. I knew what the answer to my next question would be.

"You're not living at home anymore? Are you..." I couldn't come out and say it. I was weak after all. He knew what I was getting at though.

"No, I don't. I uh, I have a house just down the road from him. We just built it last year."

"We?" I looked down at my hands. I couldn't look at him. God, I really am pathetic.

"Um, ya, me and Willow." He wasn't going to offer any further information unless I asked. He seemed like he thought I would fall to pieces if I found out. But, in reality, I couldn't be happier for him.

"Is she? I mean, are you..." Dammit, why can't I finish a fucking sentence?

"Bella, we're engaged. Our wedding is actually in two months. Bells, she's my imprint."

And there it was. The phrase that I had been both dreading and looking forward to hearing at the same time. I knew there was someone out there for Jacob. You don't end up being as wonderful as Jacob Black without getting blessed with a soul mate. The universe can be a cruel bitch sometimes, but thank god whoever was running things knew that Jacob deserved to finally be happy. He was staring at his hands, folded on the table, looking nervous. He had nothing to be nervous about.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy, Jake, and I always knew you would find her."

He looked up at me. Suddenly, all the uncertainty of his youth was back in his eyes. He was holding my gaze and seemed to be searching for something, approval maybe? When he finally spoke again, I was proven wrong.

"Is that why you never, I mean, is that why you wouldn't let us be more than friends? Because of Willow? Because of the risk?"

I'd had plenty of time to think of this back when we began our friendship, back when I learned there was more to the supernatural than just vampires. "Honestly, the risk of you imprinting was a very small part. I don't know how to explain it. You were the best friend I had ever had, even better than Alice. You knew me. You knew everything about me. I know that alone should have been the basis of a strong relationship for us, but what if we had tried and it didn't work out for some reason? If that would have happened, I would have lost my best friend. And I knew that I wouldn't survive that. I needed you like the air that I breathed. And to lose that, well, there's no way I could have. I know the benefits should have outweighed the risk. If I'd had the courage to make that leap, it probably would have been amazing and I would have cherished whatever time we had until you did imprint. But to lose our friendship? I couldn't have done it."

He thought this over for a minute. My reasons for never taking that next step with him had always made sense in my mind, but to try to put them into words didn't always work out so well. He squeezed my hand and replied, "I think I finally understand."

I offered him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand back. "So, tell me about her." His eyes lit up. I could see how good she was for him. He went on to tell me everything about her, how amazing she was, how she had helped him get over me. That stung a little, I'll admit, but it had to be done. I was just glad he had someone.

"She'd really like to meet you. Do you think that you'd be up for that?" If I wanted Jake back in my life, I knew there was no way I could avoid it. I really didn't want to either. She really did sound like a great person.

"I'd really like that. She sounds amazing." I realized something. My cheeks were a little sore. I had actually been smiling, almost as wide as Jacob while he told me about her. It had been a long time since I had been that happy. It wasn't my own happiness, but it felt good to finally feel happy about something. We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and laughing. We weren't quite "Jake and Bells" again yet, but we would get there again, I was sure. I was glad we got to do this before tomorrow night. God knows I would need to draw on some of these feelings to get through it.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know, I'm lame. It's been a while and I'm sorry. What can I say, when I thought life would be calm, it stayed crazy. But, I hope you'll find this worth the wait. **

**I want to thank all of you for adding me to your alerts and faves, and for the incredible reviews. One question that was asked was if there was going to be an imprint. I haven't decided if Paul will imprint on Bella or not. I tried writing an imprint story once and found it very difficult to do. Besides, Paul is bad-ass and I don't want an imprint to turn him all sappy. I want him and Bella to have a little bit of conflict to make life interesting and I don't feel like an imprint allows for that. But, when I decide for sure, you guys will be the first to know. For now, enjoy the show :)**

**I don't own Twilight or any of it's character's.  
**

**Chapter 7**

_**BPOV**_

Yesterday with Jake went a lot better than I expected. I don't know how I thought it was going to go. I guess I expected anger, wrath, fury, the whole ball of wax. He had matured in ways that I couldn't count, or even possibly understand. But then again, so had I. I wasn't about to break down because he was now "off the market." Years ago I may have subconsciously thought of him as a sure-bet, second, just in case person, but time had made me a bit wiser, and, dare I say, a bit tougher.

I could only hope I was tough enough for what was in store for me tonight. Paul had called me earlier and offered to come pick me up. Charlie still had my old Chevy, but it hadn't been driven very much in the last four years. He didn't want me taking it anywhere until Jake had time to check it out, which he promised me yesterday he would do sometime this week.

What started out as just the pack had now turned into the pack, their imprints, and the elders. It was a bit unfair to Quil, but I had asked Paul to make sure he didn't bring Claire. She was now old enough to understand adult conversations and even if she didn't know what everything meant, I didn't want to scare the crap out of the poor kid. I figured the imprints would want to be there because they would want to know first hand if their loved ones were in any kind of danger with me being around. I could also see the elders point about wanting to be there. I had put Billy's only son through hell. He had run off because of me and returned to only to be miserable because of me. He was a like a second father or favorite uncle and as much as I hated to admit it, he deserved answers too. Sue would be concerned about Leah and Seth, and from what Paul said, Charlie as well. According to him they spent quite a bit of time together. Of course, Paul being Paul, he said this with a wink-wink, nudge-nudge. I didn't really care though. Charlie was another one of those good souls who deserved to finally be happy.

So now, I found myself sitting on my front porch, chain smoking, waiting for Paul to show up. If he took much longer I was going to need him to stop at a store for me so I could pick up some more cigarettes. Little fucker had flushed my bag of weed so nicotine was the only thing I had to keep me in one piece. My nerves were getting to me and I just wanted this night to be over with. I wanted the cat out of the bag so I could move on. In some way, I figured I needed that. The past year I'd had nobody to talk to about it. Hell, I hadn't even formed any real relationships. All of the people I would be seeing tonight knew just as much as I did about all the things that go bump, growl, and suck in the night and it would feel good to just get it out there.

As if he could read my friggin mind, he pulled up and we were on our way to La Push. The ride was mostly quiet. I spent most of it fidgeting, either bouncing my leg or drumming my fingers on my knees. Paul must have had enough because when we were about halfway there he slapped one of his huge hands down on my leg to stop me. I took the hint and resorted to biting my nails. Before I knew it, we were pulling up to the road near the cliffs where the bonfire was to be held.

"You ready for this Hells-Bells?" I snorted at the nickname Paul had come up with for me. As disgusting as he though my former drug habit was, he figured I had become a little more bad-ass since I was last in Forks. It completely amazed him that I was now part of the 'cursing club'. He seemed to find it hilarious that little old me was cable of saying the word 'fuck.' Whatever.

"Nope, not at all, but lets do this shit anyway." I jumped down from the truck and followed him over to where everyone was seated. Jake and Embry were just lighting the fire and, as usual, there was a huge table of food. Emily, Kim, and a girl I didn't recognize were fussing over the food, the elders had their heads huddled in a hushed conversation. The pack was a joking around and laughing. When I walked up, all motion and sound stopped. It was a little creepy, but I couldn't do anything but stare back at them. I'm not sure how long this went on, but Emily finally walked up to me. She stood in front of me, looking me over, then did the last thing I expected. She pulled me into a tight hug and whispered, "Welcome home, Bella." I did the only thing I could do. I ignored the low growls I was hearing and hugged her back. She finally let go of me, pulled me towards the food and said, "Now come and fix yourself a plate before these animals take the last crumb."

The meal was silent. When the last morsel had been eaten, Jacob stood and addressed us all.

"Tonight's bonfire will be a little different. There will be no legends. We've all been wanting an explanation from Bella and that's what she is here to do. You will keep your tempers in check. If you're going to phase, leave. Bella will have her say tonight."

Okay, like that didn't make me feel awkward or anything. I rolled my eyes and said, "Um, thanks for the great intro, Jake." I took a deep breath, because there was no turning back now, and continued.

"Look, a lot of what I have to say tonight is going to piss you off. Hell, it's probably going to piss me off too. But like Jake said, if you can't keep your shit together then get the hell out of here, because frankly, I don't need it. Just remember, you're the ones who wanted _me_ here tonight."

The elders, especially Billy, were all looking at me with raised eyebrows. I didn't want to be disrespectful, but they needed to remember that I wasn't Quileute and their laws didn't apply to me. They wanted to me to be here. They wanted to hear it straight from me. And mostly, I could tell they were curious as hell to see if the big scary vampires were going to come back to get me. If any of the wolves were going to freak out, I figured it would be Leah and there was no way I was going to deal with her grouchy shit tonight. The imprints, well, who knows what they would think. My hands were starting to shake and I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I may have been able to spew forth that tough little speech, but in reality, I was scared shitless of reliving my own personal nightmare. The next thing I knew, a pretty girl with, of course, long black hair was sitting next to me, pushing a beer into my hands. Paul growled from the other side of me, but I ignored him and took a long pull off the bottle. Whoever this girl was, she was a godsend at the moment.

"We haven't met. I'm Willow, Jake's imprint. I thought you could use a little something to calm your nerves." I smiled back at her gratefully. She got back up and went to sit with Jake again. Paul was still growling next to me so I said, "Calm down, booze isn't my issue." He stopped right then, because the look I gave him told him I wasn't putting up with this tonight. I lit a cigarette, took another sip of beer and began.

"I guess things really started going to the shitter on me and Edward's honeymoon...."

_Edward and I had made it to Isle Esme. I couldn't imagine a more perfect, more romantic place for our honeymoon. I was exhausted from the wedding and the traveling, but still buzzing with the anticipation of finally giving myself to Edward tonight. We had gone for a midnight swim to relax us both. Once we got back to the house, Edward told me that we would try to make love. He reiterated that to try had been his promise and didn't want me to be disappointed. Things seemed to be going along well. It was more passionate, more loving than anything I had ever experienced. His kisses were so much deeper, so much more than before that I couldn't help the reactions my body was having. It was so far the most erotic moment of my life. It was the first time I had been naked in front of anyone. It was the first time I had come anywhere close to this point. The things he was making my body feel were incredible, and we hadn't actually gotten down to the deed yet. And just like that, he was gone. _

_He let out a growl and was across the room before I knew what happened. I begged him, pleaded with him to come back to bed with me. He just looked at me with pain in his eyes and said, "I'm so sorry." He was gone from the room before I could blink. _

_I spent my wedding night alone, a sobbing mess on the beautiful canopy bed. The rest of the honeymoon was much the same way. Instead of being blissfully happy newlyweds, it was awkward and strained. I told him to change me and then we wouldn't have to worry about it, but he refused. He gave the excuse that it wasn't the right time. Preparations for our disappearance had not been made and we needed to avoid anything that would raise suspicions or draw the attention of the Volturi. He kept me busy during the day, hiking all over the island, snorkeling, going out on the boat, and prepared rich, heavy meals for me at night that would make me drowsy and fall asleep. Carlisle and Esme had told us that we could stay on the island for as long as we wanted. We only made it six days before I'd had enough and asked to go home. _

_We didn't come back to Forks after our honeymoon. The rest of the family had packed up the house. Alice had packed up mine and Edward's belongings and we met them in Alaska. They owned a house in a remote region of the Denali area and this is where my change was supposed to take place. It was isolated and there would be no risk of me coming across any humans. Charlie thought I was attending UCLA, so we told him there was a problem with my admissions paperwork and I needed to get there as soon as possible. He believed the lie, so we met up with the family and were staying in their house in Alaska. We spent time with their coven of friends who also shared their lifestyle. Edward and I put on the appearance of a happily married couple. I was still pestering him about my change. I was supposed to be happily married and immortal by now. _

_I was supposed to have everything I'd ever wanted, but my life was empty. It was a non-stop barrage of superficial things and daily battles. I dealt with Rosalie's attitude, Alice's chatter and incessant on-line shopping, Emmett's video games, Carlisle and Esme's doting parental love, and Jasper's struggles. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. My emotions were in constant turmoil and he bore the brunt of it. He would give me sympathetic smiles every now and then, but avoided me for the most part. Whether that was because Edward still 'forbid' him to be around me, or if he just couldn't handle my recent emotional tendencies, I couldn't be sure. Of course, if Edward had just changed me that would have solved that problem right there. _

_However, I still loved all of them. They were my family and I couldn't wait to join them and Edward for eternity. But, he was having none of it. This went on for about four months. It got to the point where I resented him, and I'm sure Jasper could feel that too. I snapped at him all the time. He had stopped laying with me at night while I fell asleep. And just when I didn't think it could get any worse, it did. _

_The Volturi came for a visit._

_I was supposed to be changed and Aro himself had come to check on my status, along with his brothers. Of course, Aro couldn't go anywhere without Jane and Alec. Those two were pure demon spawn. There were also a few of the larger members of the guard, including Felix and Demetri. Edward's usually calm facade was gone. I could see the panic in his eyes. To me, the solution was simple. It sounds pathetic, but I had wanted him to change me while we were making love. But at this point, I would welcome him __taking a chomp on my neck in front of the Volturi, just to get it over with._

_Aro had a power that was a little like Edwards, but more involved. With one touch he could see your every thought, every action. Edward was staying towards the back of the crowd, standing protectively in front of me. Aro ordered him to come forward. From what I'm told, Aro usually asks permission before touching you, allowing you to have some semblance of privacy. He didn't afford Edward that luxury. _

_He grabbed onto Edward's hand with a death grip. I watched as his eyes widened and filled with glee. He let go and clapped his hands. He looked like a kid in a candy store and I was scared out of my mind._

"_Edward, I've seen the most interesting things! Oh, my dear Isabella, if you only knew what goes through your husband's mind. Darling Bella, did you know that he drugged you on your honeymoon? Oh my goodness, this is priceless! It seems Edward was terrified of taking what was his and came up with his own clever ways of avoiding it, and you, my dear. This is just amazing! Edward, I have to say I'm shocked that someone as refined as you appear to be has this undercurrent of evil running through him. Drugging your wife so she falls asleep and you don't have to make love to her? Simply unbelievable! And you call us monsters."_

_I was stunned. I was more than stunned, but I couldn't think of a strong enough word at the time. I was furious. Jasper fell to his knees because I'm sure he couldn't handle the raging emotions that I was consumed by. And it would only get worse._

"_And your plans Edward, or, should I say lack thereof? Isabella, did you know that he has no intentions of changing you whatsoever?" _

_I ran towards Edward, but was stopped by enormous, cold arms. One of the guard was holding me in a death grip. He thought I was running to Edward to protect him, but he was wrong. I wanted him to face me and admit to it all. I had given up so much for him. I had broken people I loved for him. And when he finally turned to face me, I broke all over again. I started screaming things at him like, 'how could you' and other incoherent thoughts. I struggled to get out of the hold that I was in, but the hands only grasped me tighter. _

_Aro moved through the crowd to Alice. Jasper was crouched protectively in front of her, but in an instant he was on the ground, writhing in pain, courtesy of Jane. Aro grabbed her hand much the same way the he held Edwards. His face showed absolute fury._

"_Alice, tell me, do my own visions deceive me? Is it true that you no longer see Bella becoming one of us? That you haven't had that vision since her wedding day? That her future eventually disappears all together from your sight?" Alice was sobbing, trying to pull away from Aro. He released her and walked back to stand with his brothers and the guard._

"_You have all broken the law and for that you must pay the price." He turned and nodded at his accomplices. The Cullen's all lunged at once, but were dropped to the ground by Jane. The arms still gripped me and I screamed at them to release my family. I was mad, but I wasn't heartless. My mind was in a state of confusion as I bounced between rage at the man that was supposed to give me eternity and pain at seeing him and my family so helpless. I was yelling at them to fight it. Aro nodded at Alec and they all become completely still. I was still screaming for them, but they just laid on __the ground, blank expressions on their faces, appearing not to even hear me. Even Jasper, who had fought so fiercely during the vampire wars, was helpless to Alec's gift. _

_Total sensory deprivation. _

_They never saw it coming. _

_The sound of screeching metal tore through my ears as my family was ripped apart before my very eyes. I screamed, sobbed and struggled against the arms that held me captive. And when I didn't think it could get any worse, it did._

_One of the cold hands around my arms moved to my neck. I knew I couldn't move, because if I did, one slight squeeze of that hand could decapitate me. Aro walked over next to me as I cried over my husband and my family, who were all now nothing but a quivering pile of limbs. He placed his mouth right next to my ear. I could feel the coolness and smell the deathly stench of his breath as he whispered, "Bella, they have paid the ultimate price for the rules they have broken. You have also broken the rules. Edward warned you that his world was not for you, yet you insisted on becoming part of it. For that, you must also pay."_

_He reached into his robes. My captor pushed me forward, closer to the remains of my family. I heard the strike of a match. Aro grabbed my hand that was no longer being held, forcing the lit match into my grip._

"_It is your fault they are in this state. And it will be your fault that they are finished. Drop the match, Isabella."_

_I stopped breathing. The hand around my neck became a bit tighter. I could feel my throat closing. _

"_Tell me Isabella, will you join them in death? Or will you do this one small act to save yourself for now? Drop the match, Isabella."_

_The flame was slowly burning it's way toward my fingers. I had no doubt that if the flame snuffed itself out at the end of the match, my life would also be snuffed out. Could I do this? Could I be the final reason for their demise? I had to. There was no way the Volturi would allow them to live, even if I refused to comply with Aro's request. If I lived through these next moments, I still had a chance to fight so their deaths would not be in vain. I leaned forward, straining against the hold on me. I said a silent prayer for forgiveness. And I dropped the match._

_The pyre went up like it was doused in gasoline, their venom fueling the flames that consumed their bodies. The wind began whipping around the yard of their beautiful Alaskan home. The air was filled with purple smoke. And I was choking._

_Choking, always choking. On words, promises, tears, and goodbyes._

_But this... this was far more awful. The purple smoke was thick in the air. I was choking, but I couldn't stop myself from breathing it in. If I could breathe just a little of it in, I could keep them with me. I could pretend they were just gone away, not burning to ash in front of my eyes. The family that I loved would stay with me this way and I wouldn't have to face the fact that they had died for me, because of me._

_Wait, no, not because of me._

_Because of Edward._

The only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the driftwood fire. The pack was stunned silent. I hadn't realized it, but my cheeks were wet from the tears that had made trails down my face. I wiped them off with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. My cigarette had long ago burnt itself out. I threw the butt into the fire, reached for my pack and lit another one, relishing in the feeling as the nicotine pulsed from my lungs and on through my bloodstream. I raised my beer bottle to my lips and finished it in one long drink.

Even the elders were silent.

The imprint's eyes were glistening with tears they were afraid to shed. Afraid, because to show sympathy for me would be to show sympathy for the very thing their lovers were sworn to kill. It didn't bother me though. I knew the rules. I knew where their loyalties lay and I was okay with that. Jake's jaw was clenched, his hands balled into tight fists, resting on his thighs. Billy finally broke the silence by clearing his throat and saying, "Bella, we had no idea. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But, if that happened a few months after the wedding, where have you been all this time?"

Paul spoke up and said, "Billy, I don't think she needs to get into that right now." I shook my head, got up, and went to the cooler for another beer. I sat down and patted Paul's leg and replied quietly, "No Paul, that didn't start until about a year ago." His questioning eyes stared at me in confusion.

I gazed upon the crowd around the fire, resting my eyes on Billy. "It get worse Billy, a lot worse."

I saw Jake take a deep breath, relaxing his hands as he asked, "Bells, where did you go after that?"

"I didn't _go _anywhere, Jake. I was taken.... to Italy."

**A/N: Dun, dun, dunnnnnn. I have to say, I am once again squeeing like a fangirl (I love that expression) at my awesomeness. Just kidding, but I am really happy with the way this chapter turned out. So, they all just thought the Cullen's died and Bella spent a bunch of years drugged up. There's more to it than that and only I know the whole story right now! I know, I'm evil, but you will find out soon! The whole four years worth of Bella's drama was just too much for one chapter. Now you guys do what you've been so good at and show me some love :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I am so beyond happy right now. I hit 100 reviews! You guys are incredible. It is such a thrill to open my email and see all the alerts. So here it is, the rest of Bella's story. It's pretty dark, so be warned. Actually, I'm a little disturbed that I was able to come up with some of this stuff. Jeez, what does that say about me? lol Anyway, Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight or it's characters.  
**

**Chapter 8**

_**PPOV**_

I sat back and let Bella tell her story. It took so much damn effort to swallow the growls that threatened to break through when she was talking about their honeymoon. Sex with a leech? That was just too disgusting for me to comprehend. And wanting to be changed while they were doing the nasty? That's just wrong on so many levels. It's like something out of a cheesy romance novel. Ironically though, once she got past that part and went on to talk about how the Cullen's had been killed it took all the effort in my body not to reach out and grab her, hold her, and try to make everything alright. I knew she would hate that. From what Jacob used to have running through his mind, she used to crave contact, a physical connection. Something must have changed though, because I had learned pretty quickly over the past week that she didn't like to be touched.

She had paused for a moment to get another beer. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. She was trying to kick a pretty nasty drug habit and I didn't think that would help her any. But as she told Billy that it only got worse from there, I couldn't begrudge her some sort of relief for now. She looked like she needed it. And then Jake asked the million dollar question.

"Bells, where did you go after that?"

"I didn't _go _anywhere, Jake. I was taken.... to Italy."

Italy? What the fuck? I searched my brain for some sort of explanation for that. Then I remembered. The scarred up emo-vampire had told me that was where these Volturi bastards had their home base. I figured it couldn't have been that bad if she was still here, and alive. I should have known better.

"What do you mean, you were 'taken' to Italy, Bella?" Jake was trying like hell to hold it together. I finally saw a single tear roll down Willow's cheek as she took one of his hands in hers and started rubbing his back with the other one. At this point I was wishing I had someone there to do the same for me. The rest of the pack looked like they were in about the same shape as Jake and I. Back in the day, a lot of the guys thought of her as their little sister. Quil and Embry were about to lose it but they held themselves together. I had a really bad feeling about this. I had a feeling that the Volturi making her light up her in-laws was nothing compared to what was coming. But Bella was being so strong about this that I knew I had to keep my shit together, for her. She took a deep breath and continued.

_Those same cold arms held me until the last ember flickered out. I thought for sure I would run out of tears, but they just kept coming. Edward was gone. My family was gone, and by my hand. I didn't hear any of the voices. I didn't notice anything going on around me. I didn't notice when my wrists were lashed together behind my back. I didn't notice the same being done to my ankles. When the black hood was placed over my head, I thought I had passed out. I didn't even notice being carried, set down, moving, being carried again, set down again, moving again. Over and over, it must have happened though, because when I finally woke up, it was too late._

_I woke to the realization that everything was dark around me. Dark, and cold. I turned my head a bit and felt the rough fabric of the hood brush against my face. My hands were now in front of me, but they were heavy. I felt the cold steel that wrapped each one, heard the clanking of the chains. I tried to stand, to get away from the cold, hard surface that I had been placed on, but it was no use. My ankles were also bound with cold steel, weighted by the heavy chains that held me to the floor? I couldn't be sure. I had no idea where I was, but I knew I had to get out of there. _

_I began struggling against my shackles, pulling with everything I had. I screamed and screamed and pulled, twisted, anything to get out of this. I don't know how long this went on. I'm sure it was painful, but I couldn't feel it. I don't know how long I fought, but I knew that after a time I felt the wetness around my wrists and ankles. I smelled the rust and salt that intermingled to form the scent of blood, my blood. I struggled to stay awake, fought to keep the nausea at bay. I kept pulling at the shackles with all my might, thinking that if I could just get free, I could pull this hood off my head and figure out where I was. But, in the back of my mind, I think I already knew. _

_I heard a door bang open. The next thing I knew, an odd scraping sound assaulted my ears, followed by a masculine moan. Then the voice I had grown to hate so much in such a short period of time breathed out, "By all means, Isabella, keep struggling. It only makes for that much more of a sweeter treat for me. Edward was so right. Your blood is like nothing in this world."_

_I heaved at the thought. Aro had fed from the blood that coated the bonds of my wrists and ankles. I figured I was as good as dead. My voice, hoarse from my cries and screams, spat out the only thing I could think of._

"_Go fuck yourself Aro."_

_An enraged growl filled the chamber that I was in. I heard the familiar buzz that I knew was vampires speaking too low and too fast for me to understand. The door slammed shut again and I figured I was alone. How wrong I was. _

_I was pushed onto my stomach on the floor and then the pain started. Lash after lash across my back. Thankfully, it didn't last long. I don't know how many times I had been whipped, but eventually cold water was thrown on my back and I heard the door open and shut again. My back was stinging and I could feel and taste the blood, pooling in my mouth as I bit down on my lips and cheeks, trying not to scream. It took no time at all for me to learn that to show weakness would be to give them what they wanted. They wanted to break me. But you can't break something that is already broken beyond repair. I finally passed out._

_Some time later, I can't be sure how long, I was pulled up to a sitting position. My shirt was torn from my body and I felt my back being wiped down and bandaged. If this was their idea of being humane, I wasn't buying it. I was in so much pain, and so weak. I didn't know how much blood I had lost or how long I had gone without food or water. It couldn't have been that long could it? My shackles were removed and my wrists and ankles were cleaned and bandaged. I was pulled to my feet and I could feel a new shirt being put on me. I didn't have the energy to care about being modest. Once that was over, I was picked up and carried yet again. I tried to get my barrings but I didn't know where I was in the first place and it was so difficult with that damn hood over my face. _

_I could tell that the room I was in now was larger than, well, I guess you could call it my cell. The sounds echoed. I was placed on my feet and my hood was removed. Cold hands held my own hands behind my back again. When my eyes had adjusted, I realized where I was. This was the same hall that the tourists had been ushered into when I was here with Edward. Oh god, no._

_Aro stood before me. I looked anywhere but into his morbid red eyes. The room was lined with vampires, all in the Volturi robes. I noticed their eyes were black. He finally grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "Isabella, by now you have most likely realized that you are in Volterra. I am __offering you that which Edward would not give you. You would be placed high among my guard for your special talents. You would be fed well and treated to all the finery this castle has to offer. I would like for you to witness the power that you would be granted as an immortal."_

_It was then that I registered the awestruck, yet cheerful voices coming from just outside the room. It couldn't be. But I knew it was. Aro had brought me here to witness their feeding ritual. He thought it would convince me to join them, but it only made me hate the idea even more. I finally understood what Edward had meant. Vampires were nothing but monsters. The doors to the hall opened and slammed shut behind the crowd of tourists. I registered the shock on their faces as they took in the scene around them. All hell broke loose as the vampires in the room closed in. There were screams and cries. People were running everywhere, trying to escape the inevitable. I watched in disgust as person after person was drained, their lifeless bodies dropped to the floor and kicked into the corner like they were nothing better than trash. The horror of that scene will be forever burned into my mind. I was forced to witness countless feedings during my time there. I was a party so many innocent people's last moments. Could I have saved them if I had agreed to be changed? I had no idea. I will carry that guilt with me forever._

_And so my time went with the Volturi. It was an endless cycle of witnessing the horror, and Aro trying to convince me to join him. When I pissed him off, or when I would refused to join them, I would be whipped. I was always shackled in my room. I couldn't really figure out why, other than they just wanted to add to my torture. I mean, seriously, what the hell was I going to do against an army of vampires? I never gave up trying to get free. My wrists and ankles were constantly raw as I never gave them a chance to heal. I didn't want to give up. For some strange reason they were keeping me alive. I didn't know why they didn't just change me or kill me and get it over with. It confused me, because Aro usually just took what he wanted. But I could only hope that he tired of his playthings very quickly. I had never thought I possessed this kind of strength, but even the strongest of the strong have their limits. _

_Occasionally, when I was face down enduring another punishment, I could feel a cold tongue licking my back. But, they never bit me. They never allowed their mouths to come in direct contact with my open wounds. Even though I didn't want to give these bastards any credit, they never lost control. I could only assume it was because they fed regularly on human blood and their call was usually satisfied. There was one, though, that never fed from me. He would occasionally be the one to punish me, but eventually I noticed a shift in his demeanor. His name was Felix, and he was usually the one to bring me my meals, draw my baths, yet he was also the one who was forced to hold me in place while I watched the guard feed on the innocents. I thought if I could just bide my time with him, that he would be my saving grace in this hell that was now my life._

_But time had changed it's meaning. There were no windows where I was kept and I had no concept of day and night. I slept when I was tired. I ate when they pushed food toward me. When I was thirsty, I drank from the water pitcher that was always left in my chamber. Eventually, Felix brought me a bed. This disturbed me because I couldn't figure out if they were just being nice, or if they had something totally unthinkable planned. It took me the longest time to lay in it, although it was uncomfortable as hell with the chains. But eventually, Felix removed those too. They had finally figured out that I would be no match for a vampire, apparently. None of them spoke to me, except for Aro, and that was usually to try to convince me to join him, to agree to be changed. He would also wonder out loud how long it would take before I begged him for death. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction._

_Eventually, though, Felix did speak to me. He would ask simple things, like whether I was comfortable, if I needed another blanket, extra food. The last conversation I had with him was when things finally __started making some sort of sense. _

"_You know Aro wants you, don't you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow._

"_I know he does, but he won't take me willingly. Is that what he's waiting for?"_

_"Yes, I think it is. If you don't join of your own accord, he would never be sure of your loyalty to the guard. Your gift makes it impossible to read your thoughts. He is reassured of the rest of our allegiances by a single touch. But," he leaned closer to my ear and whispered, "I haven't allowed him to touch me in a very long time." This little bit of information was the most valuable thing I had been given since I had been here. Better than food, better than the bed, better than being free from the chains they had bound me with. There was trouble within the ranks. _

_We kept our conversations to the basics after that. You never knew who would be listening or what Aro could find out by a single grasp. I existed and endured for a while longer after that. I tried to come up with a way to use the information that Felix had given me. But, my sanity was hanging on by a thread and coherent thought was difficult. I finally overheard a conversation that gave me the only hope I had been able to cling to in so long. I didn't recognize the voices but I didn't care._

"_Aro is letting her go soon. He figures since she won't join, there is no more use keeping here. He has come to think of her as a burden anyway."_

_"But how can he be sure she won't let out the secret? That's what he was worried about in the first place."_

_"The little Cullen fortune teller that he killed apparently lost her future. It became completely blank to her, so he can only assume that she will be dead at that time, and that time is coming soon. He already has a shield in Renata. This Isabella could turn out only to be nuisance and it is not something he has the patience for."_

_The voices faded down the hallway. I didn't want to hope that I would be let out, only to be disappointed. I'm not really a religious person, but I prayed every day for my release. And one day, it came. Felix and Demetri collected me from my chamber. They drove me to the airport, had even given me a bag. Just like that I was put on a plane with a stern warning that even though my "sentence" was over, it could be re-instated or even changed to death if they caught word that I had let out the secret. Demetri was a tracker and would have no trouble finding me if the need arose. Aro was working under two assumptions; one, that I would be dead soon, and two, that I would do everything I could to forget my time there and he was right. I was assured that I would hear no more from them, that they would leave me alone from now on._

_I was shocked when I picked up the airline magazine to find that I had been there for almost three years. I was exhausted, but didn't dare allow myself to sleep on the plane. I could only imagine what nightmares would plague me and I didn't need the attention. For some reason, they had flown me to Phoenix. I could only guess that they didn't want me anywhere near Forks. I didn't think I could go home anyway. It had been years since I had spoken to Charlie. I figured Renee was still in Florida, so I made my way to my old home. I was shocked to find that another family had moved in. _

_I spent some time in a homeless shelter. I figured this was only until I could get back on my feet. Sure, they had given me some clothes, but I had no money. I finally found a job waiting tables in a shady bar, but it was difficult. Every face that I saw could have been a vampire. I finally met a guy, the first of __many, and moved in with him. After a few nights of dealing with me waking up screaming, he __introduced me to drugs. They became my savior. They allowed me to be numb, to not care about whether the faces around me were the Volturi, coming to claim me again. They became the escape that I needed. _

_And so that last year went. I worked my way from place to place, always leaving before anyone got curious or when I was kicked out of where I was staying because I was just too fucked up. I stayed in the southern part of the country. The sunshine allowed me to go out during the daytime without worrying that I was being followed by vampires. But I came to a point one day where I was just so tired. I felt like I was running, but couldn't figure out if it was away from something or toward something. I didn't want to drift anymore. I missed Charlie. I had to make things right with him. I saved up enough money for a bus ticket. I think I was in Carthage, Texas at the time. I packed up what few belongings I had, got a fresh stash, and came home. _

Bella stopped talking. Her story was over with, but I watched while she lifted the sleeves of her sweatshirt, showing the scars around her wrists. She lifted her pant legs and we all saw the same scars around her ankles. She stood up and looked around at all of us, before turning around and lifting the back of her shirt. Her back was covered in scars. They crisscrossed each other and there were just so many of them. She finally sat back down, keeping her eyes on the ground.

I looked around at the rest of the pack. They were frozen in disbelief. Men aren't supposed to cry, but every one of them looked close to tears. I watched as Seth furiously rubbed his hands against his cheeks, wiping the tears that he wasn't ashamed of showing. Bella didn't know it yet, but he would probably end up being her step-brother sometime in the near future and he had always had a soft spot for the Cullens. The imprints were all crying, clinging to their wolves who were struggling to hold it together. The elders were stunned silent.

Nobody knew what to think. We had spent the last four years hating her for what we thought she had chosen to become. We had no idea the hell that she had been put through. We just didn't know. I think every one of us felt some guilt about that. I know I did. But at the same time, we were torn. She had chosen to go with the Cullens. She had made a choice to marry into that family. However, she had paid the ultimate price for it. I had no idea how to reconcile the choices she had made with the price she had paid for them.

The strength in this woman amazed me. A lesser person would have cracked. But she didn't. She survived. She lived through things that most people can't conjure in their wildest dreams. She pulled herself out of a deep pit of paranoia and despair to come out alive on the other side. I couldn't help but admire her.

Bella finally broke the silence by turning to me and saying, "I think I need to go home now." Her eyes were puffy. She had cried through her story, but I hoped this wouldn't be a set back. But I knew, no matter what happened, I would be there for her.

**A/N: Whew, glad that's over with. I probably could have gone into a lot more detail, and stretched it out a bit more, but you guys get the picture. She was imprisoned and tortured. Even I'm not disturbed enough to come up with more than that. Besides, I want to start moving her and Paul along a bit. I wonder though, will we hear from Felix again? You never know! More reaction from the pack coming up :) Reviews are better than Paul pledging his undying love and devotion. (Okay, maybe not THAT good, but you know what I mean lol)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry guys, I suck. My muse has been completely absent and my wrists have been a mess (damn you carpal tunnel!) But, I'm feeling a little inspired again and my wrists are starting to feel better. Forgive me if you will, and without further ado...**

**(Ya, ya... Twilight's not mine)**

**PPOV:**

Bella had started walking back to the truck. It was obvious she didn't want to be here anymore and nobody was going to be able to talk her out of it. The rest of the pack was silent, somber. Jake looked worse off than anyone. Once upon a time he had sworn to her that he would protect her and fight for her. I didn't know what to say to any of them, so I just followed her to the truck.

She had already gotten in and was waiting patiently. I was so scared of how reliving it was affecting her. I only hope she wouldn't run from us now that we knew the truth. I really wanted her to rely on us to help her deal with all this. And I really, really wanted her to stay clean. I had no idea how to approach the subject with her. I had no clue what kind of reaction she was expecting from me. The closer we got to Forks, the more pissed she looked and I couldn't figure out why. Of course, she had bared her soul to all of us and all I could do was follow her around, waiting for her to start some sort of dialogue with me. And yet, me, a freakin wolf for fuck's sake, couldn't conjure up the balls to ask to speak with her. Avoidance had always been my strong suit when it came to stuff like this. We had arrived at her house, she had gotten out of the truck and was on her front porch before I finally sucked it up and asked, "Do you want me to stay? I don't think you should be alone right now."

She spun around on her heel, hair whipping around her face wildly. "Are you fuckin' serious? I've been alone for four years Paul. FOUR YEARS! I think I can handle one night! Oh wait, are you scared that weak little Bella is gonna cave? Are you worried that I'm gonna run right downtown for a fix? Are you worried that all the work you think YOU'VE done in the last week or so is gonna go to shit? Well guess what, Paul. That was all me! I'm better than you all think I am!"

I was dumbfounded. What the hell was she so pissed about? Ok, so maybe I didn't have a right to second guess her like that, but what the fuck? I had helped her out, hadn't I? I found myself suddenly doubting every one of my recent actions with her. I walked up a couple of the front steps so that I was eye level with her.

"Bella, I don't think you're weak, just the opposite actually. I just want to be here for you."

She had softened up, but only the littlest bit. She snickered and replied, "Be here for me? Look, I am grateful for you sticking around this past week. It's been nice having someone around while Charlie's at work. But please, for now, just leave me alone. I really just want to be alone."

"But, Bella, the guys and I..."

She cut me off, " You and the guys will get over it. You'll all be just fine, and so will I. Paul, I mean it, just let it go. I'll call you when I'm ready." She turned around and walked through the door. There was nothing I could do but get in my truck and drive back to La Push.

_**Meanwhile, back at the bonfire...**_

_**JPOV**_

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. The way she thought she could just walk away from us after the bombshell she had just dropped was just, wow, I didn't have words for it. Willow was sobbing quietly next to me and I pulled her close to me, kissing the top of her head. She had a good heart and if I wanted to admit it to myself, her conscience pretty much made her a Quileute version of Bella. She eventually calmed down but she was just as speechless as the rest of us. My father finally broke the silence.

"You know, all those years ago I felt like I took it upon myself to make sure she was protected from the things her father couldn't know about. Bella has lived in two worlds since she moved here. I wanted to be the father figure she needed in her supernatural world, I tried to be that for her. I owed it Charlie to take care of her. Even though he had no idea, I owed it to him to watch out for her as if she were one of my own. I couldn't love her anymore than if she was my own flesh and blood. And I let her down. If I was stronger... if I was... if only I could have... I don't know! Dammit! I could have stopped this! I _should_ have stopped this!" His voice had raised towards the end and he pounded his fist on the arm of his wheelchair. He was shaking with an anger that he just didn't know how to express. Sam was shaking his head, holding a weeping Emily.

"Billy, we all feel the same way. We all love Charlie like he is one of us, even though he is not allowed to know the secrets. We all knew that girl was something special and we all tried to make sure Bella was protected. But none of us could have foreseen this. This is beyond any of our wildest legends, or imaginations for that matter."

I hated to see how this was getting to my dad. He didn't deserve this kind of guilt. None of us did. We tried, didn't we? We tried to get her to understand what she was getting herself into. We tried to make her see that their kind were monsters. I know I busted my ass to try to get her to see the dangers of burying herself in that life. But Sam was right. What had happened to her, was beyond all comprehension. And there was really nothing we could have done.

"Dad, Bella is as headstrong as they come, stubborn as her old man. You know that. I know that. We tried. The only thing we can do is be there for her now. She deserves that much."

The next reaction surprised the hell out of me. Leah stood up, shaking. She was seconds away from phasing. "Really, Jake? We tried? Is that going to help you sleep at night? All of a sudden she deserves for us to be there for her? Are we all going to ignore the fact that we hated her for what she chose? But the big bad wolves are going to be there for her now, so that's going to make it all better? I don't know about you, but that's not good enough for me." With that remark she took off running for the woods. We all heard the sound of shredding clothes as she shifted the minute she hit the treeline.

"Just ignore her, Jake," Quil was saying, "She always had a bug up her ass about Bella anyway. You're absolutely right. We need to be there for her now."

Just then, Paul walked up to the circle. He looked shell shocked and addressed Quil like a man defeated. "She doesn't want that. She told me to leave her alone, that she didn't need anybody. I'm afraid of what she's going to do."

**PPOV**

With only that remark, I jogged to the forest, calmly removed my clothing, and quietly phased. I needed to run. I always seemed to think better when I was phased and with the rest of them still at the bonfire, I knew I would have time to myself. I hadn't taken the time to notice there was someone missing from the circle as I heard another wolf's thoughts cycle through my head.

_ Damn, if that wasn't some fucked up shit. Nobody deserves that, not even the leech lover. Poor girl went through hell and somehow managed to claw her way back here in one piece with some of her sanity intact. Shit.. does that make me a hypocrite? God knows Bella Swan grated on every last one of my nerves while she was here. Couldn't stand her. But man oh man, we can't just leave her alone, can we? Oh well, we probably won't have to deal with her very long anyway. That's her M.O. isn't it? Blow into town just long enough to stir the pot and then take off. She'll leave again and we won't have to worry about it.  
_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was Bella really going to take off again? I doubted she would. More like, I hoped with everything I had that she wouldn't. Leah heard this and realized she wasn't alone anymore.

_Paul, what is up with you anyway? What the hell is it about Bella Swan that has everyone so enamored with her all the time? It doesn't make any sense! She's nothing special!_

I thought for a minute because I didn't know the answer either. There was just something about her.

_I don't know Leah. She just has this way about her that gets under your skin. She tries to be all tough and strong all the time but she still looks small and vulnerable and just, ugh! It's a million different little things that just make her the way she is. Ya, I didn't really give her a second thought when she first moved here, but she's just... I don't know!  
_

I could see that Leah had stopped and if a wolf is possible of showing surprise, she had the look down. Shock was the only thing I could pick up from her.

_Oh my god, Paul. You like her don't you? You fell for the leech lover?_

It was my turn to freeze. I didn't _like_ her, not like that anyway.

_What? No, I'm just... helping her out. I mean, _

Alright, time to be me. There was no way she had changed me that much. There was no way that I fell for her. I had to convince Leah of that. Well, Leah, or myself.

_Look, she's a cool chick with a hot ass alright! And like I said, she's going through a rough time._

She was just alone and going through a rough time. She was in the middle of a mess that I could somewhat relate to. That's all it was. I mean, all those things about her didn't affect me. I am Paul Walker for fuck's sake and I am NOT soft like this!

_Huh, I never pictured you with a leech lover, Paul. She must have something going on._

I just wanted Leah to shut up. If I was smart, I would have phased back so I didn't have to deal with her. But, I was, after all, Paul Walker. I talked tough, but I wasn't always _that_ smart. And then something hit me like a goddamn freight train._  
_

Oh shit.

I like her.

I like her a lot. The past week flew through my mind before I could control it. So far the only one who had seen any of it was Jake. Bella was going to be pissed. God, I suck.

_She was really that bad off? _

_Lee, you have no idea. It was just kind of sad really. I had to help her. I couldn't turn my back on her. And now, I don't know, I guess she's growing on me._

_I gotta tell you, Paul, I'm impressed. Who would have thought Big Bad Paul had a soft spot? I might feel kind of bad for her too, but I still can't stand her though. She's got a lot of work ahead of her if she's gonna get on my good side. So what are you gonna do?_

There wasn't much I could do at this point. For whatever reason, Bella had turned on me tonight. Granted, I knew unloading all that shit was going to be hard on her, but I didn't expect her to shut me out like that.

_If I was you I'd just give her some time. She's gonna end up working her way back into the pack. Anyone can see that. _

Time. It seemed like such a huge thing when you didn't know where the end was.

**BPOV**

Two weeks had passed since the bonfire. I was still pissed off. I knew how they all felt when I left. I wasn't stupid. I knew they were furious about what I had done to Jake. Hell, I was furious with myself about what I had put him through. I knew they didn't agree with my choices. But of course, the imprints start crying at a bonfire and all of a sudden everything about Bella Swan is just fine and dandy. Well, fuck them all. I don't need them.

Charlie was concerned, though and I felt really bad about that. Paul or Jake would call, and I would have Charlie tell them I didn't want to talk to them. They would stop by, but all I had to do was shake my head and walk upstairs and Charlie knew that I didn't want to see them. Part of the reason Charlie was uncomfortable with my treatment of the guys was that I think having Paul around helped him skirt the subject of my little problem. Not that it was much of a problem anymore. He knew how stubborn I was. I got it from both him and Renee. I had put my mind to it that I wasn't going to touch that shit anymore and that was that. Although, it sucked not feeling in control of my body when cravings would hit or when I would have a bad day. Paul had definitely helped with that. Yeah, I missed him a little bit. But in spite of everything he had done for me, I lumped him in the same category with the rest of the pack. He never really liked me before so it made no sense to me that some vomit and a scary story would suddenly change his mind about me.

Which brings me to today. Charlie was at work and I had done some cleaning around the house. I had just settled down for a smoke on the back porch. I was eventually going to have to quit these things too. Nasty little habit, they were. The sun had decided to show it's face today and I was basking in it, trying to relax a little bit. I was having such a good day. I was gifted with a brief moment of peace.

I should have known it would go tits up eventually.

The whole goddamn pack walked out of the woods in 'V' formation like they were a flock of geese for Pete's sake. Just like that, my afternoon of serenity was screwed. I put on the best mask of indifference I could manage, even though I wanted to bust up laughing at sight. Their expressions were priceless. They looked so dejected; like someone had just kicked their puppy or something. Jacob, Paul, and Sam walked forward and I thought, here we go. I figured I'd try to get the first word in though.

"So, to what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

"Bells, why haven't you been taking our calls? We've stopped by to see you, only to get turned away by Charlie. I think you owe us an explanation."

Now I did come out and laugh. A full, boisterous, laugh from deep in my belly. Because this shit was hilarious.

"I owe you? Are you kidding me? The only thing I owe any of you, I already gave up at the bonfire. So all you fuckers can get off your high horses and leave me the hell alone."

That was when Leah stepped forward, fuming. Oh, she wants to go? Fine with me. I wasn't the timid, mousy little Bella that had left four years ago.

"Save it Leah. I don't want to hear it from you. You have no right, so just step on back, missy."

"Listen, leech lover! The guys have something to say to you and you are damn well gonna listen. If I have to hold you down, you are GOING to hear them out. Now, do we understand each other?" She had gotten right in my face and she really was kind of intimidating. If I hadn't been so mad about my great day being ruined, I probably would have caved. I mean, I was close to half her size and had not been blessed with natural muscle tone. I was probably just begging to get my ass handed to me by Leah, but I ignored that little voice in my head that was saying 'back down Bella' and took a step forward, toe to toe, nose to nose, with the only female in the pack.

"Well god knows your fat ass is big enough to crush me anyway, isn't it?"

It was seriously hard work to not bust up laughing at the expression on Leah's face. I don't think there's really a word to describe looking pissed and dumbfounded all at once...piss-founded maybe? Either way, I had done it. I had stood up to the vicious she-wolf. She paused for a moment, then with a nod and a smirk she moved back to her place in the pack line-up. If I had known it would be that easy, I would have tried that four years ago. Would have saved me a lot of nervousness at those damn bonfires way back then.

Sam decided to put his two cents in as he stepped forward, "We know that you know how we felt about you leaving. It's no secret. But, once upon a time you were like family to us and we would like to be that for you again. We want to help you in any way that we can. We take care of our own, Bella."

I shook my head. That's where they were all wrong. "Sam, don't you get it? I appreciate everything you all did for me back then. But I'm _not_ one of you. I'm not Quileute, I'm not a wolf, and I'm not an imprint. Ya, there was a time when I considered you guys all my family. But I don't see how that's going to work again."

Jacob looked crestfallen. "Bells, we wouldn't be here if the guys didn't want you around. They miss you." He looked down, kicking at a patch of grass and finished softly, "I miss you."

I shouldn't have done it, but I knew I was going to. I was giving in. I missed all of them, really, and these last two weeks had been some of the loneliest in my life. Not like my time with the Volturi. Then, I knew that I was alone. Since the bonfire, I was aware of the fact that I had people who wanted to support me just right up the road and I had shut them out. Charlie was around, but he was clueless to the reality of my life so I basically had nobody. As much as I wanted to be normal, who could I really rely on right now? Even that twit Jessica, had moved on from this sleepy little town, not that her shallow persona would have been anything I could tolerate. I could even finally admit that I missed having Paul around. Like it or not, we really had bonded over a bucket of puke and a scary story. It was the kind of bond that you didn't find every day.

"Alright fine, you guys want to be around, then fine. But there will be rules! No pity! I don't want to catch a single one of you looking at me with that 'oh poor Bella' look or I swear to all that's holy I will smack that shit right off your faces. And no treating me like glass either. When I was younger, yeah, I guess I may have gotten off on that shit, but no more! I'm hanging on by a thread here guys and I just want to be normal." The conversation had been too heavy and was in danger of completely tanking my awesome day, so I decided to let my sarcastic bitch, alter-ego out to play. "Leah, I assume you won't have any problem with any of that?" I quirked my eyebrow at her. She looked back at me with her eyes narrowed, fighting off her version of a smile and replied, "Hell no, I can't stand your whiny ass."

The boys let out a tense laugh and began to file up to join me on the porch. I opened the door and motioned for them to come inside. There were pats on the shoulder and light hugs that made me stiffen with residual fear, but I chanted to myself in the back of my mind that I was safe and they weren't going to harm me. The last one to come up to me was Paul. He held his arms out, knowing that I would feel better if I was in control. He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up and spun me in circles. I was getting dizzy and my weak stomach was making itself known. I whacked Paul on the shoulder and said, "Stop, or I'll start throwing up on you again. You sure you wanna ride that train again?"

He put me down, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "Glad you finally came around." A kiss, hmm, I would have to reflect on that later, but for now I other things to worry about. I walked into the kitchen with him and called out, "Alright now boys, who's hungry!"

**A/N: Well, there it is. Aw, a cute little kiss on the cheek :) It's a start, right? Can't have them hopping into bed right away, can I? Or... can I *evil laugh* **

**I can't tell you how frustrating it was to write this. Not mentally, but this laptop that I'm using has been a pain in the ass. I can't tell you how many times my wrist accidentally brushed over the touch pad, causing some kind of accidental button pushing carnage where I would lose the screen and with it, some really good shit that I had down. Hopefully my tired brain was able recover most of the good stuff. And, there's an extra 1000 or so words in here to hopefully make up for my epic updating fail. By the way, I don't have a beta so, hey, I'm doing the best I can with plot, grammar, and spelling. If you forgive me, hit the button down there :)  
**


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